A LETTER…NOT SURE WHO FROM

Welcome to another edition of our…let’s say weekly mailbag. Again, all the letters below come from real spammers delivered via courier in the game Skyrim.

If you prefer regular e-mail and would like to send a question, PM me here or email them to kristakahashi@gmail.com and I will link your website with your name. Just make sure to let me know this is for the mailbag and that you want your name public, or else I will attribute your question to spammers.

On to this week’s questions:

American egret asks:

Who would win a fight between Raynes and a criminal defense lawyer?

Raynes is kind of a maniac. He’s the yellow line at the train station, you don’t want to cross him. Not on the battlefield, and not in the courtroom. So I think most trials would settle before they ever went to court. No lawyer in their right mind would let Raynes interrogate their client.

If you mean an actual fight, then I don’t know. I suppose I’d need to know the location of your fight, in case the lawyer wanted to “stand his ground” and annihilate Raynes with his self-defense machine gun. Still, my money would be on the Dunmer.

Regardless, Raynes the Criminal Prosecutor would be a great TV show and you can have all the money if you are producing it. Not just my money, but ALL THE MONIES.

bulbs tend asks:

Interesting NPCs has close to 50,000 endorsements. How does it feel to have so much swag?

I don’t know what swag is, but I think I understand from the context. You are asking if it feels good to be popular. If it feels validating, so to speak. Well the thing is, when the mod was buried in the dark, cobwebbed corners of Nexus, I’d tell myself that popularity didn’t necessarily equate to quality, and make some glib comment about Justin Bieber. Then I’d churn out a few more NPCs and shake my fist ruefully at all the people who ignored me.

Of course, now that the mod is popular, I think endorsements are basically the Nobel Emmy for Artistic Achievement in World Peace and everyone associated with the mod should have a solid gold statue erected in their honor. In fact, I would not be against a new country being formed where endorsements were not only the primary currency, but were the sole determinate of a person’s worth. Why? Because we have them.

Funny how that works.

purchase tricycles for children at reasonable price tag asks:

I am debating whether or not to start a new playthrough of Fallout, but I’m not sure whether to wait for the new mods. When will they be done?

Good question. I wish I knew the answer. The thing is, each mod is only as fast as the slowest contributor. So some quests are on the verge of being completed, while others are not even cast, but there’s no time frame for either.

In general, the old rule of good, fast, and cheap applies here. If it’s fast and cheap, it won’t be good. If it’s cheap and good, it won’t come fast. And good and fast isn’t even an option, because mods will always be free.

The one thing that has changed from Interesting NPCs is the releases will be modular, so each quest will be uploaded as it’s finished without having to worry about unvoiced portions. I should also note that Fallout scenes have to be voiced, because the subtitle doesn’t always show up.

xeloda hand foot syndrome asks:

I was trying to google something about necrophilia in Oblivion and I realized how bad it would look in my search history. Am I just paranoid, or will the FBI come knocking on my door asking where I keep the bodies?

If you’re worried, it’s important to be very clear as to what you’re searching for. Here are some examples of bad searches that can be problematic in a future litigation:

dark elf necrophilia
where do I find necrophilia woman
is necrophilia okay with npc
corpse sex dark woman

Now here are some examples of acceptable searches:

evil no good necrophiliac NPC in the TES video game
where do I find the woman who is a necrophiliac in the Elder Scrolls Oblivion, a Bethesda Softworks video game
corpse sex in The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion which is a video game, let’s be clear I AM NOT I REPEAT NOT INTO SEX WITH CORPSES I AM JUST DOING A HARMLESS GOOGLE SEARCH TO FIND AN NPC WHOSE STANCE ON NECROPHILIA I DISAGREE WITH, SIGNED DATED 3/10/2015

Hope that clears things up, and happy googling.

Advertisements

One thought on “A LETTER…NOT SURE WHO FROM

  1. “Well the thing is, when the mod was buried in the dark, cobwebbed corners of Nexus, I’d tell myself that popularity didn’t necessarily equate to quality, and make some glib comment about Justin Bieber. Then I’d churn out a few more NPCs and shake my fist ruefully at all the people who ignored me.

    Of course, now that the mod is popular, I think endorsements are basically the Nobel Emmy for Artistic Achievement in World Peace and everyone associated with the mod should have a solid gold statue erected in their honor. In fact, I would not be against a new country being formed where endorsements were not only the primary currency, but were the sole determinate of a person’s worth. Why? Because we have them.

    Funny how that works.”

    Pure gold, my friend. Pure gold. XD.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.