Black-Eye Bobby – Male, Raider Boss
Spitball – Female
Bad-X – Male(FILLED)
William Whipple – Mr. Handy Robot
(this first set of lines is to set a trap for the player, so should be read like you’re a scavenger in danger)
If anyone can hear me, I need your help. I was passing through the old Belcher’s cave when the roof collapsed on me. And my leg…it got pinned in the rubble and I can’t move. Please, if anyone’s out there, you’ve got to help me before the ferals…oh god…I think that might be them…
Player finds cave, sees fellow adventurer outside
Did you hear the call on the radio? We better hurry if we’re gonna save her.
I think I heard screams coming from this direction.
Shouldn’t be far now.
greeted by a raider in a chair, surrounded by bodyguards
And another dumbshit scavver walks right into our trap. X, tell him what he’s won.
X, tell her what she’s won.
Looks like a trip to the dungeon, boss.
Well, let’s not be hasty. Not every winner wants to spend the rest of their life pissing in a bucket.
Maybe this one wants what’s in the mystery box. Maybe, he wants to join us.
Maybe, she wants to join us.
(Make an arrangement) I’m sure we can come to an arrangement.
An arrangement? Heh, it’s not that complicated.
You’re either with us, and you live, or you’re against us, and you die.
(Fuck you) Go fuck yourself.
Ha! You got balls, scavver. I’ll give you that. Which is more than I can say for some of the boys here.
(Don’t want trouble) Easy now, I don’t want any trouble.
And there won’t be, so long as you fly our flag.
(Tempting) That wasn’t the plan originally, but hey, tempting.
Yeah? Well, you’d better decide quick. I’m a patient guy, but my knife? She doesn’t wait for anyone.
Why should I join you?
What, Spitball’s little acting job wasn’t enough to impress you?
Needless to say we aren’t your ordinary raider crew. That’s because we don’t go after the Trashcan Carlas and their saggy tit Brahmins.
We don’t cut off a pair of hands if we can put ’em to work. And we don’t shoot a scav if he’s willing to follow orders.
Are you kidding me? This must be a trick.
No tricks. Now, if you’re useless, we won’t hesitate to rip your fucking head off and shit down your neck.
So, if you’re a gun, that’s good. We got a plenty of targets. But if you’re a wrench, well, if you wanna live, you better find a fucking bolt.
Why should I trust you?
Because outside of that radio con, I’ve been straight with you. Make no mistake, we’re killers, but only if you’re useless.
(Sounds like an army) Words any good soldier can appreciate.
True. Except a gunner won’t ask you to dip your knob in acid to prove your loyalty. I just might.
I’m not going to help you. You’re on your own.
One of these days, those guts of yours are gonna get you killed. But not today. I like you too much.
So I’m gonna let you live, for now. You can walk around and take the tour.
And if you change your mind about joining our crew, I’ll be here.
What do you need help with?
Ready to get in the game, huh. Good. It just so happens we’ve got an itch that needs scratching, goes by the name of Cain.
I’ll mark the location on your map where he was seen last. Take care of him, and you’re officially one of us.
Who are you, really?
I’m a killer, plain and simple. Doesn’t matter who I was before.
All you need to know is who I am now – the person you have to answer to if you fuck up. So do us all a favor and don’t.
That’s all.(Note to self: if question not asked, use the “you’re on your own,” then replace)
Remember, we’re at fucking war, new blood. And wars are won with numbers. Right now, that’s all you are. A plus one.
You take care of Cain, and we add another slash to our tally. Get enough bars and you get respect.
Hell, pass me, and I might even give you my chair.
If you want a piece of me, then go ahead. Take your shot.
Come to your senses yet?
You take care of Cain yet? The itch I got says no.
You don’t take care him, I might have to scratch up that pretty little face of yours instead.
scene upon returning
Jesus. Just let me live!
I could, but the thing is Switch, you’re like a champion racehorse. And you know what they did to racehorses when they broke a leg? They shot ’em dead. Which was actually the nice thing to do. Think about that. It was actually more humane to kill the horse then try and fix it.
Now I’m not saying killing you is the “humane” thing to do. But one thing’s clear. You were only good for one thing. And now, you’re fucking obsolete.
Boss kills Switch, player comes back with Cain
So you’re back. And you even brought a plus one. Good thing too, seeing as Cain is my baby brother.
So you’re back. And I heard you took care of my baby brother. That’s actually not what I meant by “taking care of him.”
Turns out, you’re no different than these other shitskulls. A killer.
But if you’re that tough, maybe it was worth the risk.
DOWN – I don’t like being lied to.
I didn’t lie. I asked you to take care of him. What that meant was up to you.
Now, did I fuck with your head? Sure. But I needed to know what’d you do when that trigger finger of yours got an itch.
Most of these pissmuppets are trained shoot on sight. Doesn’t matter if you’re them or us. And I need someone who knows the difference.
Anyways, here. Your reward. It’s a little boomstick I got from my pal Zynx. Packs a real punch. Just make sure you know who you’re hitting.
if Cain killed
Still, you managed to tangle with my baby bro and live. So you’re more than just the usual muscle.
UP (You’d risk family) You’d really risk your family like that?
If Cain got stuck by some random scavver, he was better off dead. And if he joined up with another crew? Death would’ve been the least of his worries.
It was him or me. I had to put him down.
If you’re saying he was with another crew, then death is the least of his worries. But either way, we lost a man, when you could’ve picked one up.
RIGHT – (You’re Crazy ) I think you’re crazy.
(laughs) Damn right I am.
LEFT – Hey, who hasn’t engaged in a little friendly attempted fratricide in their life?
Ha, no one here, that’s for sure.
Guilty as charged. Maybe that’s why I was looking for someone with a little more restraint.
I told you, war is about numbers. Sometimes you add, other times, you subtract.
I’m counting on you to watch my baby bro.
Place is yours to browse. Mi casa, su casa.
Now that you’re part of the crew, it’s time to get to work.
Got more work for you rook. You aren’t getting lazy on me, are you?
You take care of that job yet?
You took care of Red Tourette. Nice. Here’s a bonus.
So you went into Tower Tom’s hideout and knocked him down a notch. Good work. Here.
Got rid of Jared for me. You’re moving up in the world. Here’s a little something for your trouble.
So Wire’s dead, huh. And they said Libertalia couldn’t be busted. You deserve a reward. Here.
Kendra’s finally kicked the bucket, and I hear we got you to thank. Here’s a little spending money.
You offed Ack-Ack? Ha, never liked her. Bitch had it coming. Here. This is my way of showing you a little gratitude.
This is a pretty small crew. Did something happen?
A crew is no different than a gun. You spray enough bullets and pretty soon you gotta reload.
What about the Minutemen? That a problem?
Not at all. Those dumbshits are the best thing that could’ve happened to us.
They kill off rival gangs. Check. They got plenty of deserters who wanna join up. Double check.
And they’re spread out so thin, they’ll never hold the Commonwealth for long.
Got any work?
Not now. But you kill any gang leaders, and I’ll make sure you get paid for it.
Yeah. There’s a caravan we offered protection for that hasn’t been paying their dues. I want you to shake ’em down for me.
Only kill ’em if you have to.
We’re low on junk, so we’re gonna have to rough up some chem dealers to make up the difference.
Just make it look like a robbery. Do it when no one’s around, and be sure to wear a mask.
That’s the only way this doesn’t come back to bite us.
Yeah. Word is there’s a little bot-fighting ring at the old Madden’s boxing gym, and I want a cut.
Ask Spitball for the details.
The job is done.
Good, good. Here’s your pay.
Nice work killer. That wasn’t the job, but a message was sent.
We might even get some stragglers wanting to join up after they find out what you did. Here. Your pay.
Looks like Willie put the ripper to that other bot. Might be a while before we can get him another fight. Either way, here. You earned this.
Failed to do job
Word is you didn’t get the job done, rook. Worse yet, people think we’re soft.
Lucky for you, I don’t give shit about what people think. It’s what you do that matters.
Now there’s only one way we can make this right. I want you to pay twice what was owed.
I’m not paying.
Good. A man should say his last words with his head up high.
(Standing up, drawing weapon)
Come on boys! Turn this fucker inside out!
A woman should say her last words with her head up high.
(Standing up, drawing weapon)
Come on boys! I wanna see those pretty little insides!
Can we work something else out?
This isn’t a fucking store. You don’t get to bargain. What I say, goes.
Yeah, I’ve changed my mind. I don’t wanna join after all.
Sorry, but no one ever walks out of here. You join for life, or you die where you stand.
I’ll pay, don’t worry.
Huh. I’m almost disappointed. Tangling with you would’ve been fun. But sleeping on a pile of your caps oughta help me get over it.
Well, I would if I had the money.
Hmph. And to think, I had such high hopes for you. Well, there’s only one other way you can pay.
(Same as above, combat line, no need to record)
Scene with Cain
You pick up anything from Tom’s crew?
Nothing worth using. That wasn’t the point though, was it.
No, I guess it wasn’t.
In this gang, you got to be useful. You don’t put in more than you take, and you’re meat.
They call me Spitball because I come up with the ideas.
I haven’t gotten much sleep since I got here. Can’t afford to waste time like that.
To be honest, outside of Dutch, the radio trap wasn’t working all that well.
But then you came and well, you pretty much saved my life by falling for it. So…thanks?
Hope you last longer than the last guy who came walking in here.
There was one girl who came in here and was real tough, but the problem was, she also liked dancing.
She kept trying to teach everyone to do the cha-cha. So the Boss cut off both her toes. Then her head. Said she was bad for morale.
Trust me, you don’t want to be her.
The whole thing about making yourself useful – the boss says its a good way to keep everyone motivated. Can’t say it isn’t working.
The boss has got it in for Cain. Not sure why, but as long as I’m in the clear, who cares?
Nice work finding Cain. Let’s just hope the boss doesn’t find another itch that needs scratching.
So the boss finally wants to make use of Willie Whipple, does he?
UP – (Willie Whipple?)Who’s that?
A boxing machine somebody programmed with the personality of a founding father.
The boss likes calling him “Willie Whip-ass,” because that’s what he does. He whips a lot of ass. At least, he better, or it’s my ass on the line.
How is a robot going to help us?
The boss didn’t tell you? This is a robot-fighting ring. Two machines enter, people place their bets, and we make a lot of money.
DOWN – How does it work?
I wouldn’t know. This is Pre-War tech. I’ve tried opening it up but I’d probably just break it.
RIGHT – What’s in it for me?
Your life, for one. More importantly, mine. If we don’t make ourselves useful, we lose our standing in the crew.
But let me worry about that.
LEFT – (Sarcastic) Cool name. Intimidating.
I didn’t choose the name. Whoever programmed it did.
But none of that matters. All you need to know are the code phrases, which I’ve written on this piece of paper.
Now, as for the plan, you need to win the first 2 fights – let the crowd know our founding fathers could pack a punch.
By the third match, everyone’s gonna be betting on him to win. That’s when I need you to have ol’ Whip-Ass here take a dive.
UP – Why do I have to be involved in this?
Because nobody knows you. That’s why when I make the bets, no one will know we’re part of the same crew. Got it?
Remember, win the first two fights. It’s like rock, paper, scissors. Just use whatever you think is best, then throw the third.
RIGHT – You don’t need me. Your robot is doing all the work.
You make it sound like a bad thing. But you’re wrong. The robot is doing most of the work.
You still need to give it commands, and figure out how to beat the opponent.
It’s like rock, paper, scissors. Simple, but someone needs to do it.
DOWN – That’s quite a plan./Sounds like a good plan.
Thanks. I thought of it myself. Not that Bobby appreciates what I do around here.
When we found this robot, he wanted to scrap it, but I saw potential.
Just you watch. Give him the right code phrase, and he’ll kill whatever poor sucker’s had the bad fortune to get in his way.
SARCASTIC – Sounds like a good plan as long it doesn’t back fire horribly/That’s a bold plan…
It won’t so long as you put in the right codes at the right time. It’s simple rock, paper, scissors. Any fool can figure it out.
I’ve already told Willie to meet you at the ring.
If anyone asks, we don’t know each other.
Stick to the plan.
(at boxing gym)
Nice robot you got there. I might place a bet on him later.
(optional objective, sabatoge opponent robot)
Nice work. Tell the boss the job is done. He’ll have your share.
Well, that was a disaster. I’ll leave it to you to break the news.
That was good work over at Madden’s. Couple more jobs like that and we might live to see the new year.
Here are the code phrases to activate Willie’s defense system. They’re things no person would ever say, so don’t worry about the crowd screwing up the fight. Although you’re welcome to let them try, that’s actually part of the fun.
Do you have a Geiger Counter? – Returns the unit home
Death has come for you evildoer, and I am its Shroud – Attack Mode, Defense Weakened
You can’t trust everyone – Surrender Mode
Tell me more about those gorillas – Defense Mode, Attack Weakened
Let all who stand before us know the importance of sovereignty!
Let freedom ring in the heads we clobber!
We are a free nation!
You shall not encroach on our liberty!
Death to the redcoats!
No taxation without representation!
Do you have a Geiger Counter?(Return)
Very well general, returning to base!
Death has come for you evildoer, and I am its Shroud!(Attack)
Eliminating all redcoats!
You can’t trust everyone(Surrender)
Understood, surrendering at once!
Tell me more about those gorillas(Defense)
Code phrase accepted. Protecting freedoms!
Sorry about the whole tricking you bit. Name’s Dutch. Pleased to meet you.
I can sell you some gear if you need it. I was a caravaner in another life, after all.
How did you end up here?
I got suckered in same as you. I can laugh about it now because I enjoy being part of this crew.
Sure, they’ve got their rough edges. But the boss helps smooth those out. Provided they survive the process..
Sounds like an asshole to me.
You’re right. He’s the biggest asshole I’ve ever met. But to survive this long in the Commonwealth, you pretty much have to be.
He’s just a terrible leader. A good leader looks out for people and knows how to manage them.
Maybe if you’re the mayor of Diamond City. Raiders are no different than wolves. The only way to get respect is to bare your teeth.
It’s not easy being a leader.
True. It’s not easy being a raider, period. But it beats being roadkill.
(Example?) What do you mean by that?
Well, there was this one recruit way back who couldn’t shoot straight. Too many nerves.
If it was me, I would’ve given him some chems to calm him down. But chems cost money.
So the boss took a hammer and smashed one of his toes every time he missed a shot.
Now, it didn’t help his aim, but it got the whole crew serious about improving theirs.
What is this place anyway?
You mean, before the war? I’m not sure. Some kind of bunker I think. But whatever it was, it’s home now.
Sure thing. Here’s what I got.
You got caps, I got gear.
Got the best stuff bullets can buy.
Never mind/That’s all/yada-yada.
All right. Come by if you need anything.
Don’t be a stranger.
Before I worked a caravan, I was a scavver. Got real lonely. So this beats that by a mile.
Fair warning, some of the stuff we do here is pretty gruesome. But they mean well.
Cain is a tough test, especially for a rook. The boss must really like you.
Hope that wasn’t too much of a hassle dealing with Cain. Welcome to the team.
You put in the work, you get rewarded. It’s not that crazy an idea.
How’s the day treating you? Well I hope.
We need someone like you around here. Someone willing to take the initiative.
I’ve always liked working with my hands. It’s not a bad way to kill a man either. Just put your hands on their throat and squeeze.
Heh, sorry, that was a little dark. I’m sure you get enough of that around here, you don’t need me adding to it.
Something on your mind, friend?
What can I do for you?
Need any supplies?
GRAN (ironic, not actually that old)
Hey. New chick.
Hey. New guy. I know you put on that show for the boss, but I gotta ask…how do you really feel about raiders? Any, uh, problems with how we do things?
No problems here.
Good to know. Most rooks have trouble wrapping their head around it.
Raiders killing raiders. Seems like some kind of self-loathing shit. But gangs have been at war since Grog clubbed Krog. So it’s all on the up and up.
My point is, given how ass backwards we are, you must have a real fucked up mindset to wanna join us.
I hate raiders. I kill them every chance I get.
Thought so. But hey, that’s not a deal breaker. Killing raiders is pretty much all we do around here.
Either way, you must have some seriously fucked up shit going on in that head of yours if you wanna join us.
It depends on who you want dead.
Yeah, that’s the thing. We want raiders dead. Which might sound good. But raiders are family. Which might sound bad.
Point is, we’re fucking nutty. And you must be too if you wanna join us.
Why? Who’s asking?
Ha, don’t worry, I can keep a secret. Truth is, I don’t like raiders either.
Heh, that’s some fucked up psychological shit, ain’t it.
Well, the mafia wasn’t accepting applications.
Ha, true. I’m sure working for them would be a lot more stable. On the other hand, I fucking hate Italian food.
But I like the answer. Humor’s good. Just remember though, it ain’t enough.
I’m not a criminal, if that’s what you mean.
That’s the thing. How fucked up a sheriff do you gotta be to join up with the bandits?
This world’s seven flavors of crazy, is all I’m saying. All we’re offering is a spoon.
Don’t worry. If you like random violence, we’re gonna get along just fine.
Ha, good answer, rook. If violence is your thing. We definitely will.
Why does it matter?
Doesn’t matter now. But not everything we do is gonna be something you can stomach.
But maybe I’ve got it all wrong. Maybe you can teach us a thing or too. In fact, I’m looking forward to it.
Tell me about yourself.
You’re probably wondering about the name. Gang calls me Gran, on account of being the oldest one here. I thought it was funny, so I kept it.
But I plan on growing into the name. Just give me a some skull sweaters to knit and a spiked rocking chair to match, and I’ll be good.
Need to tool up, huh? Sure. I’ll loan you some gear.
Sure, and no need to give it back. I’m not like X. I don’t put my name on every piece of junk I pick up.
Q3 How are things going?
Well, the other day I convinced X that Psycho was made from brahmin farts, so now he does Jet instead.
So I’d say things are going pretty good.
With me? Things are always steady. Can’t get too high or low in this business, or you’ll crash so hard you won’t know your head from your ass.
Not much. Just trying to make a cap out of fifteen bottles.
I’m good. Spitball wants to try out a new gun mod later, so we’re gonna shoot some bottles later on.
Just gotta drink ’em first.
Q4 – That’s all bye later
See ya. Wouldn’t wanna be ya.
My brother always said, you can’t pick your family. Thing is, if you shoot ’em, you kind of can.
Raider on raider crime. It’s a problem. But we kill them all, and problem solved.
Someone’s been eating my food. I marked it with an X and put it in the fridge. When I find him, I’m gonna rip his guts out through his asshole.
What do you need?
Want some advice from your badass Gran?
Got something to say? Shoot.
Bad-X scene/SPITBALL/GRAN – (Variable depending on who is targeted)
Sometimes I imagine these cans of Cram are alive. So when I smash ’em, it’s like their guts are spilling out.
You really shouldn’t waste our food like that.
Yeah? Maybe I should crush you instead.
You know, Cram could be people. Who knows what they put in that crap. There’s no way to know for sure.
Maybe. It’s pink. People are pink. Well, some people.
Hey Dutch, wanna go a round?
Sure, maybe later. Although I’m not much of a boxer, X.
Who said anything about boxing? You’re just a punching bag to me.
Ha. In that case, what about one of the rooks?
I said I need a punching bag, not a speed one.
Your parents were raiders?
Yup. Family business, you know how it is.
No, I don’t have the slightest clue.
Oh right. I forget you’re new. You may not know, but you stick around long enough, and your kids will.
That last guy…whew. I did not see that coming. At least, not before lunch.
I thought you were used to seeing blood.
Blood I’m used to. I just didn’t expect him to shit himself. Not the kind of thing you wanna smell before you eat.
Hey Gran, you eat my InstaMash? Don’t try to deny it, I know it was you.
Not sure. I eat a lot of stuff. But the Boss will get mad if you kill me without any proof.
Good point. Is there a way I can prove you did it?
Sure. I took a dump over there twenty minutes ago. You find some InstaMash in that turd, and you totally got me.
Ha, you idiot. You just signed your own death warrant.
You’re right, X. I’m as good as dead. Just be sure to wash your hands when you’re done.
You best be careful Spitball. The boss doesn’t put up with stragglers.
I heard he even killed his own kid cause he was weak.
No way. He wouldn’t do that, would he?
Sure he did. And that was his own kid. So imagine what he’ll do to you.
How’s this for an idea. We sell our extra junk to settlers. Make a little profit on the stuff we don’t use.
Okay, how many caps you think that’ll net you? A hundred, maybe two hundred a week?
And how many caps are you gonna waste on ammo and supplies just to get to those settlements?
Oh, right. Never mind.
Something troubling you?
Yeah, the other day one of the boys came up with this idea, and I’m considering pitching it to the boss.
Oh yeah? Let’s hear it.
All right. You know how we raided that glue factory the other day? Well, he was saying we should try using Wonderglue to close up wounds.
I can see how that might work if we’re low on stimpaks. Whose idea was it?
That’s the thing. It was X who said it.
Ha-ha-ha. There’s your answer kid. If X thinks it’s a good idea, it’s probably not.
You must be here for Tower Tom.
You must be here for Red Tourette.
You must be here for Jared.
(Here to kill you) I’m here to kill you.
Hmph. I wouldn’t be so sure. But all you know are lies.
(Looking for you) Actually, I was looking for you.
So that’s the play. Never did like lies.
(Just passing through) I’m just passing through. Thought I’d stop back and say hi.
Hmph, jokes. Just another lie. Helps people cope with death.
(What an easy kill) Oh good, this won’t be hard.
No, it won’t. But one of us is lying.
(Lies?) What do you mean?
Doesn’t matter. You’ve been given a job. You decide how it’s done.
Orders are orders.
Indeed. But not everything is so black and white.
Shut up already. I came here to put an end to you.
You came here to try.
And what do you suggest?
Take me back to your boss. Not as a trophy, but as a man. Let him render my verdict.
Granted, there’s risk involved. I could kill you. I could run.
But when you make your choice, the question isn’t whether you should trust me. A stranger doesn’t deserve that.
The question is whether you trust your power to stop me. If so, there’s no reason you shouldn’t take me prisoner.
You’ve chosen wisely.
I’m your prisoner. So don’t look at me for directions.
Boss reveals Cain is his brother, Cain joins the crew
So. You’re still here. How long do you plan on staying?
That’s none of your business.
Good answer. Only tell what you need to tell. Answer to no one unless you have to.
Long enough to have a good look around.
Then you should be on your way. No tourists in this crew. Only killers.
Not sure. We’ll see.
So you either don’t know, or don’t care.
Why do you wanna know?
You’re different. Makes you hard to predict. I don’t like that.
What do you do here?
Killing is my only job. And I work alone.
So what’s the story between you and Bobby?
In another life, my brother might’ve been a good man.
When he found out what I was, he had to make a choice. He chose blood. That’s why we spill it.
Over time, he became his own monster. So it goes. Some are born. Others, made.
Got any work?
You want work, talk to my brother.
Scene with Boss
You pick up anything from Tom’s crew?
Nothing worth using. That wasn’t the point though, was it.
No, I guess it wasn’t.
BAD-X (Sack hood, tons of pipe armor)
Hey rook. Think you got what it takes?
Names Bad-X. Like Rad-X, only bad.
I break bitches like bottles. I crush punks like tin cans. I’m a mean, lean, ass-kicking machine, and you don’t wanna fuck with me.
Here’s a list of things you don’t wanna do. 1. Piss me off. The end.
What are you looking at?
Got a problem?
I eat maggots like you for breakfast. You better hope it ain’t morning.
Wanna arm wrestle? I’m up for it. But first you gotta pick which arm you wanna lose.
Gotta kill something. Smash something.