Hi all, I am looking for the best Skyrim jokes. Send me your favorites in the comments or to my email renharp @ yahoo.com. Jokes can be almost any subject matter or type: story jokes (but not too long), one-liners, pun jokes (I love those!), race jokes, animal jokes, bandit jokes, Jarl jokes, Ulfric jokes, Bard jokes, pirate jokes, soldier jokes, etc. They can be G, PG or bawdy, and I’ll decide which to put in my mod case-by-case.
The Cult Classic, Arrow in the Knee or “how it all began” :D
The comic can be found here: http://www.internet-webcomic.com/?p=83
Haha!! That’s great :) I could probably work that idea in….
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
A strong Nord woman.
Well, I’d open the door, but I can’t stand the sight of you.
Hey I -just- now got that. Reference to Olfina Graymane, right? “Can’t stand the sight of a strong Nord woman?”
Yeah, it’s definitely a Skjel the Gray joke. I might just use it for him as well.
I’ll give it my best shot.
Why was their mud on a Khajiits fur?
People kept thinking he was a rug.
Most are meta, but maybe you’ll find something useful: http://cheezburger.com/6956732160
A necromancer and a Drauger walk into the Temple of Mara. The priest stops them and says “We don’t do those kind of marriages here.” The Drauger says “No, I want a divorce!”
what do you call a troll that helps you carry your items?
a sweetroll
I’m admittedly very bad and coming up with jokes (why I asked you guys) but here goes….
What do you get when you cross a Spriggan and a Flame Atronach?
A bonfire. (or… a Friggan, dunno…)
What did the former Argonian slave say to the Dunmer?
I can’t find a saw.
Obligatory “your mother” jokes because no-one’s done any yet:
Your mother’s so fat, even Alduin couldn’t eat her.
Your mother’s not fat, it’s just mortal mental stress.
Your mother’s so dumb, even the Jills can’t fix her.
I want to make Skjel the “Weird Al” of Skyrim, here’s his first parody of “Ragnar the Red”
“Oh, there once was a man who was rather well-read
Who came stumbling to Riften from old Ivarstead
And the man he did vomit and faint in the hay
As he rolled over bottles he drank from that day
But then he got robbed, did the man so well-read
By this jackass named Brynyolf who smiled as he said
Oh, your wealth is a lie and my guild’s full of need
So I think it’s high time that you stand up and read
And so then came his reading and learning like leaves
Of the tome he was handed by the guild full of thieves
And this man here in Riften was well-read no more
When he stole all your gold as you looked at the floor”
sure, just add it to the next batch of lines along with whatever else you can come up with.
How did the redguard break his toe?
He was building his house when his hammerfell.
ROFL! Nice one… I think I’ll add that one to a banter ^^
OMG awesome
The Khajiit need to go…
ELSWEYR!
Always thought there had to be a pun in that name, lol.