“Freedom’s just another word for nothin’ left to lose, And nothin’ was all that Bobby left me.”
It’s my favorite line in a Joplin song, and not just because it was written by Kris Kristofferson, the Krissiest Kris who ever did Kris (with apologies to Kris Kross).
I like it because it’s about the paradox of freedom. Having nothing to tie you down – whether it be worldly possessions, responsibilities, or a reputation to live up to – is something that is indeed liberating. Hell, the very concept of “freedom,” regardless of the context, is a state we generally consider positive. Freedom? Why yes, I’ll have some of that. What do you mean there’s a catch?
I was working the Gulf of Mexico on oil rigs, flying helicopters. I’d lost my family to my years of failing as a songwriter. All I had were bills, child support, and grief. And I was about to get fired for not letting 24 hours go between the throttle and the bottle. It looked like I’d trashed my act. But there was something liberating about it. By not having to live up to people’s expectations, I was somehow free.
Sure, freedom’s cool, but you know what’s better? Having something to lose. Not acting like an irresponsible shitbird because you actually care if things go wrong. In life, whether it’s true love or a closet full of limited edition Pokemon figurines, there are things you fought to build and things you’ll die to keep. Nothing to lose? Fuck that shit. I’ll trade you a thousand free tomorrows for one more day with a ball and chain.
Of course, there’s a balance that needs to be struck. Having everything to lose – living a life full of pressure and expectation – isn’t something that I’d consider ideal either. The fishbowl life that celebrities live would be nothing short of a nightmare. When your entire life’s work can be blown up by a single, unsubstantiated rumor, it makes you wonder if you’re better off having nothing and being no one.
And that makes me think of Erevan. His story is not unlike that of a modern day celebrity, wrongly accused but casually convicted by millions of jurors making small talk at the coffee house, the barbershop, the tavern and the dinner table. He was a knight who lived to be perfect and welcomed all the expectations that came with.
And like the old songwriter, when he lost everything he gained his freedom. He’s no longer a prisoner to perfection. As a nameless, wandering knight, he has an opportunity to be the architect of his future. But is that something he considers a positive change? Tomorrow may seem boundless, but part of me wonders if he longs for one more yesterday.
As a side note, when I was a kid and I complained to my parents about how my name was spelled, they’d always remind me, “Kris Kristofferson spells it that way, and he’s a legend.”
And I’d think to myself, “Who the fuck is Kris Kristofferson? That’s the stupidest made-up name I’ve ever heard.”
But unlike Santa Claus, Kris Kristofferson turned out to be real.
It’s all he had and knew, so it makes sense when he reminisces about it often, but I believe Erevan considers it a change for the better. I don’t think he could ever go back to that life after realising all of its faults.
“Perhaps I cared more about the title of being virtuous than the ideals themselves.”
It’s a change for the better, and journeying with the Dragonborn will set him on the path to shaping his future *hence why I wish he was a super follower, he has sooo much potential :’( but if it meant changing his VA due to the original being unavailable or something, then hell no, I love his VA!*
Apart from that, nice read :)
Yeah, no changing VA midstream for Erevan!
I used to listen to Joplin a lot, a lot lot, back when I was but a bright-eyed and bushy-tailed – and totally idiotic – teen.
Something I never liked was techno, trance, all that rave party crap. However, people are strange and times they change, and I listen to it constantly. Especially while deep in this modding thing. It’s like adrenalin straight into your bloodstream, keeps you all jived up.
But today’s Cohen day, for some random reason. Maybe I just missed the sound of his Manry Voice. ‘Closing Time’ especially.
and I lift my glass to the awful truth
which you can’t reveal to the ears of youth
except to say it isn’t worth a dime
and the whole damn place goes crazy twice
and it’s once for the Devil and once for Christ
but the boss don’t like these dizzy heights
we’re busted in the blinding lights,
busted in the blinding lights
of closing time
Yes, Leonard Cohen! I like “The Future” especially, but really I love everything. I’m not a hard man to please, music wise.
It all sounds like magic to my ears.
To me, Erevan had always been about his realization that not being perfect doesn’t mean you’re a total failure.
When Erevan is around it’s always nice to hear his musings about different aspects of commoner life. It was a pleasant surprise to hear him openly admit his shortcomings to my Dragonborn; there aren’t to many NPCs that do that so it builds a real sense of trust between the PC and the NPC. However, I’m probably thinking to much into this, but I feel an unusual aura of shame from him.
I’m not referring to the drinking or the displacement — I believe he’s come to terms with these issues. I’m referring to the fact that he doesn’t know how to adjust to commoner lifestyle. He’s mentioned that he doesn’t know much about trade and barter, and yet even the most uneducated pauper knows how to haggle for his bread and butter. From this I can only assume that Erevan has no knowledge of other simple tasks like cooking, cleaning, and repair.
All of this would add an interesting layer to their relationship as friends if I let it. I just don’t know if I could humble Erevan so much just for the sake of story telling, he’s already pretty downhearted about a lot of stuff. He’s a good character and deserves a break. xD