MAJOR TOWNS

 

RIFTEN:

VIRTUT: There’s a flower lady trotting round here somewhere. Wonder if she plucked something awesome again?

VIRTUT: People really like to speak about the money they don’t have. Could’ve hunted three deer in the time spent.

CHAINE: I always wanted to smell the water down there. Can’t decide lake or sewer.

CHAINE: I should just rob you before the thieves get to it. Better keep the money in the family.

 

WHITERUN:

VIRTUT: *yawns* I hate this city. The mere sight of it puts me to sleep.

CHAINE: Nothing’s white, nobody’s running. City of disappointment, as always.

 

WINDHELM:

VIRTUT: If I were to settle down, this would be the place. Wonderfully unnerving town.

CHAINE: Those reds and oranges look brilliant in the chill around here, don’t you think?

 

DAWNSTAR:

VIRTUT: If I see one more snowberry bush, I’m gonna bite it. Such imagination nature, really.

CHAINE: Love the name of this place. Makes the snow seem whiter.

 

FALKREATH:

VIRTUT: I can smell all those nearby mushrooms. We need each other. Badly.

CHAINE: I honestly expected more deer in this place.

 

MARKARTH:

VIRTUT: Smart building. Couldn’t burn it down if I wanted to.

CHAINE: Markarth is a work of art. Wish I could steal it and put it in my house.

 

WINTERHOLD:

VIRTUT: Great world all around, and we just have to visit the ass of it, huh?

CHAINE: Some hold this is. Lame wolves with five teeth between them could siege it.

 

SOLITUDE:

VIRTUT: If imperials would make all cities look like this, I know my side in the war.

CHAINE: Watch your step, wouldn’t want to step on some rolling head or another.

 

HOUSES

 

BREEZEHOME (if Lydia is present):

VIRTUT: Tiny place, big crowd. How about I smoke this woman out?

CHAINE: I don’t get having housecarls. They sit there watching you all day, and sniff your bed sheets when you’re not home.

 

HONEYSIDE:

VIRTUT: Hmm, almost cozy. Setting this or that on fire could make it feel just warm enough.

CHAINE: Where did all the beggars go? The row usually teems with them.

 

PROUDSPIRE MANOR:

VIRTUT: What are you going to do with a nest this big? A touch excessive.

CHAINE: If this place is a package deal, I’m yours forever.

 

GENERAL

 

IDLE:

VIRTUT: You need something? I’m in the middle of a daydream.

VIRTUT: Enjoy me while you can, soon I’ll be too important to talk to you. Ha, kidding, kidding. Be nice to me if you make it first.

VIRTUT: Say, can I try some things on you one day? I got a few charms itching for a chance to shine.

VIRTUT: I know I’m pretty, but don’t you have other things to do than watch me breathe? Then again…

VIRTUT: Being raised by our mother felt worse than a good bear maul time, but she kept us alive. I give her that.

VIRTUT: There was a time I wanted to be an evil witch, but I think black is not really my color.

VIRTUT: You know why I became a witch? Because punching kids is illegal, and some of them need a solid lesson of life.

VIRTUT: It’s such a beautiful day. Then again, every day is beautiful. I didn’t need to say the obvious.

VIRTUT: I’m really itchy today. I shouldn’t have tried that spell on myself. Why do I always do it? It makes no sense.

VIRTUT: I found a bag of those gemstones the other day, then I tossed them into a river. Does it make you mad? Just curious.

 

CHAINE: When we were kids, I put Virtut’s hand in the firesalts. Alas, instead of wetting her bed, she wet my shoes in revenge.

CHAINE: I tried counting all the stars once, but then Mihes told me I was drunk and counted everything twice. Such a waste of time.

CHAINE: What? Want a wing? I got a few more if you too need something to chew.

CHAINE: If you hear a fishy grumbling, keep your weapon down. I ate something strange, and I think it came to life inside.

CHAINE: I saw a real huge slaughterfish the other day. Bathtubs are a brilliant thing, aren’t they?

CHAINE: What’s on your mind? Me, I really want to eat a Nirnroot right now. Wonder if it’d ring through my nose.

CHAINE: If you ever get a chance, make me a vampire. It’s one of the things everyone should live at some point, I find.

CHAINE: I borrowed this awesome candy thing from the shop the other day. I’d share, but I really don’t want to.

CHAINE: I don’t get why people wear those short cloaks. It’s no different than too small clothes.

CHAINE: You got dirt on your face. I don’t mind.

 

IDLE WITH ROMANCE ACTIVE, BEFORE QUEST 2 ONLY:

VIRTUT: I preferred it when I didn’t really mind my body being gone. Now I do. Thanks a lot.

CHAINE: Boo! What? You look so cute when you’re spooked. I’m a ghost, it was a fair try.

 

IDLE WITH ROMANCE ACTIVE, POST QUEST 2 ONLY:

VIRTUT: It did cross my mind before to cast a love spell or two on you, you know. But I didn’t. I swear.

VIRTUT: I’ll have a spell named after you once I release my compendium. You make me into such a mush.

VIRTUT: I had a very fun dream about you last night. I won’t tell you a word, but I can show you later.

 

CHAINE: Is this an accidental nudge? Or do you have some interesting agenda?

CHAINE: You smell so nice. Did you quash any bugs recently?

CHAINE: I chewed on your hair when you weren’t looking. Mmm. Kidding! Kidding!

 

CAVE NEARBY:

VIRTUT: Don’t tell me you want to haul more junk out of this place?

VIRTUT: There better be something fun growing inside if we go in. Or I’ll feed you goo-weed at night.

VIRTUT: My hair got damp at the mere sight of this hole.

 

CHAINE: I hope we’re diving in? Come on, what if your true love is inside? You never know.

CHAINE: Look, a cave. Someone will plunder it anyway, so it sure better be us.

CHAINE: Is this a new one? I swear they all look the same.

 

CAVE INSIDE:

VIRTUT: And then you’ll drop half this crap on me to carry, isn’t that so? I can see it in your face.

VIRTUT: Can you lick this wall for me and tell me the taste? I got a bad rash last time, need a courage break.

VIRTUT: Gah, light or no light, I just have to trip over something. Have to.

 

CHAINE: Hey, awesome. Wonder if I can sell this pebble to some fool. It kinda looks like Dibella, right? Thought so.

CHAINE: Each time I enter a cave I expect an awesome squadron of bats to rush out. Each time only disappointment comes.

CHAINE: I like how my eyes make stuff up in the dark. Would be more fun though, if there wasn’t a chance it was real.

 

FOREST:

VIRTUT: Ew, I stepped in something. Wait a moment, it might be a rare goodie.

VIRTUT: Anything I can do that would make you stick around here for longer? Such a pretty place.

VIRTUT: I wonder why we even came to Skyrim. The land lacks the forests, and the forests it has are lacking themselves.

 

CHAINE: There’s something on your head and it looks at me funny. Just saying.

CHAINE: Keep an eye out for butterflies. But only the colorful ones, others taste like ash.

CHAINE: I like wolves, let’s find some.

 

NO RAIN:

VIRTUT: Hope it rains soon. I need some juicy mud for the next trial.

 

FIGHT OVER:

VIRTUT: Hm. Think they had some useful hair to pluck?

VIRTUT: I guess victory would taste better if I cared for the loot, hmpf.

VIRTUT: Death is so disappointing. No potential.

VIRTUT: Pillage time, is it?

VIRTUT: That was a bit exciting, I have to say.

 

CHAINE: Feels good to survive, less so to see the dead at my feet.

CHAINE: No more, are there?

CHAINE: I need a bath. And this time preferably in water, not blood.

CHAINE: People should just talk more, don’t you think?

CHAINE: Everything’s so sticky now.

 

SPECIFIC LOCATIONS

 

ELDERGLEAM SANCTUARY:

VIRTUT: This hanging moss is plain brilliant! Here, just taste it. Come on.

CHAINE: If the sword makes the tree rise its legs, then where’s the harm? People are so dramatic.

 

COLLEGE OF WINTERHOLD:

VIRTUT: Ah, the capitol of stuck-uppery, the haven of assholes. Here we go.

CHAINE: Do you think it’d be possible to jump down this blue stream? Added to the bucket list.

 

SPECIFIC NPCS

 

MAVEN BLACK-BRIAR:

VIRTUT: Gah, kill it with fire. *cough* That spider, over there, obviously. Yes.

CHAINE: Mmm, I could become a burglar for a woman like her. Robbing her blind would be oh-so-sweet.

 

JARL SIDDGEIR:

VIRTUT: Don’t tell me we gotta suck up to this cretin? I just cleaned my teeth.

CHAINE: Isn’t it funny how stupidity can somehow spoil the prettiest face?

 

GRELOD THE KIND:

VIRTUT: Wow. And people called *me* a hag.

CHAINE: Wait, did someone bring mother back from the dead? Nightmare fuel, I tell you.

 

EVENTS

 

DURING ASTRID’S FIRST DEAL:

VIRTUT: Can’t help but wonder if you’ll kill all off them instead. On the off-chance they have money to loot.

CHAINE: How about killing the task-giver instead. I’d sure appreciate the irony.