DRUNK
Something I can do for ya friend?
I’m looking for a man named Charlie. Do you know him?
Do I? Hells yeah I know Charlie! That’s my old drinking buddy!
We’d come here every night and pound the beers! And sometimes, on a good night, we’d even drink ’em! Ha-ha-ha!
You two would make quite the pair I bet.
Ha, you’re telling me! Wait…are you asking, or telling? Fuck if I can tell!
Isn’t it bit too early to be drinking?
What do you mean? It’s not even midnight!
Although secret is, whatever time it is, it’s always before midnight, heh heh.
I think you’ve had a little too much to drink.
Why, are you gonna arrest me, sheriff?
Even when you drink them, I imagine most of it gets spilled on the floor.
Hey, the floor’s gotta drink too. It’s tough work, getting stepped on all day!
Can you tell me where Charlie is?
Tell you, sheeeeit, I’ll introduce you! Come on!
drunk singing while walking, see link for melody
Paladin, paladin, where do you roam! Paladin, paladin, far, far from hooooome
Have gun will travel reads the card of a man
A knight without armor in a savage land
His fast gun for hire reads the calling wind
A soldier of fortune is the man called, paladin
Paladin, paladin, where do you roam! Paladin, paladin, far, far from hooooome
He travels on to wherever he must;
A chess knight of silver is his badge of trust.
There are campfire legends that the plainsmen spin
Of the man with the gun,
of the man called Paladin
Paladin, paladin, where do you roam! Paladin, paladin, far, far from hooooome!
reaches grave
Well, here he is. “Charlie Hardy, Died Decemeber of 2280. No known kin.”
Yup, a good man, that Charlie! Funny how they left out the part about him being a low down, no good son of a bitch! ha-ha-ha!
Wait, Charlie’s dead?
Oh shit! You didn’t know? Oh yeah, dead as a doornail. Been that way for ages.
How did he die?
Well, one night in the Saloon, he got in an argument with his girl, Alice I think, and hit the piss out of her.
Then she comes back and stabs him with a broken whiskey bottle! ha-ha-ha!
(looks at player’s face) Oh shit! You didn’t know that either? Fuuuuck, I guess I’m full of surprises today!
You don’t seem too broken up about it.
Au contraire, my friend. I’m downright melancholy. But right now, I’m too drunk to be pissed.
I’m guessing because all the piss is too busy running down my leg! Ha-ha-ha!
I’m not surprised. You hit a woman, you get what you deserve.
Yeah, he had it coming, no doubt about that. Truth be told, she done saved me the trouble, ha-ha-ha!
I’ve seen too much death to worry about a single man.
It was still a tragedy nonetheless. And you know what’s even more tragic? This asshole still owed me twenty caps! Ha-ha-ha!
I’m just surprised she lied to me.
That girl is no angel, that much is for sure. She might’ve even done it on purpose.
I remember they were arguing over some guy named Jack taking over the nightclub.
Why Jack?
Well, supposedly this Jack never spends his money, on account of being a cripple.
And Charlie couldn’t pay his debts, on account of being a broke son of a bitch.
So she says they should partner up or something. But you know Charlie. He doesn’t work with no one but himself.
Drunk turns around, sees 2 Mexican gunmen who were here to hunt Charlie
Hey! I didn’t know this was a party! Hola muchachos! Donde esta…beer-o!
the vaqueros leave, drunk turns to player
Guess they don’t speak Spanish.
Ah well, guess it’s just you and me tonight. Back to the saloon!
Post-quest, sobers up
Oh fuck, I’ve got the meanest hangover.
Do I know you? Shit if you don’t look familiar.
Goddamn, I’ve really gotta stop drinking.
I dreamt I pissed on Charlie’s grave last night. Eh, he was probably thirsty.
I’ve had it with drinking. Tell the bartender to get me some orange juice.