Jangles! You…alive!??!!?!
Jangles?
Yes. That your name. Jangles the Monkey. You sit on shoulder! Eat bananas! Throw feces!
My name isn’t Jangles you dumb freak.
Shut up! Monkey can’t be Jane or Fred! Only stupid name for stupid monkey!
I think you have me mistaken for someone else.
No mistake! You monkey. Jangles monkey. So you Jangles!
Yes it’s me. What can I do for you, master?
We get to that. Right now, you get on shoulder!
Who are you?
Jangles not see? It is I! Captain Cosmos!
I see. I didn’t recognize you because you’re a super mutant.
No! Cosmos is a super…man. Only when he put on glasses is he mutant in disguise.
You mean from the Pre-War television show?
Tele-what? Cosmos does not understand alien word. He only speak American.
If so, where’s your spaceship?
Ship broke on crash landing. He thought Jangles dead. But Jangles here now. Only tail is gone.
Now that you mention it, the resemblance is uncanny. Perhaps you really are Captain Cosmos.
Yes, and you are Jangles. Only when we put on glasses are we not.
Tell me more about Captain Cosmos.
Is not obvious? Captain Cosmos is hero who travels galaxy! He defend truth! Uphold Justice! Fight, for Space-American Way!
What can you tell me about Jangles?
He is you. You are him. Monkey from the moon. Sidekick to Cosmos.
She is you. You are her.
If that’s the case, then what are you doing here?
Very well Jangles, I will tell you story of origin.
Cosmos, he sent by NASA to find alien planet, sleep with their women, and teach them about America.
This Space-American odyssey bring him here.
What on earth is the Space-American Way?
It mean drive big car! Have big gun! And small, small rocketship.
That’s enough about Captain Cosmos.
Very well.
Where is your spaceship?
Jangles puny, so maybe he not see. But it right above you! Red Rocket! Fastest ship in galaxy!
Jangles puny, so maybe she not see.
What is your current mission?
To meet with alien leader. He go east to Forbidden Zone. There he find his destiny.
Do you want me to accompany you?
No, Cosmos has special job for Jangles. He must help fix ship.
She must help fix ship.
How do I do that?
Jangles must find alien space rocket, and steal engine parts.
Here, take this drawing. It tell you what Cosmos need.
When finished, meet Cosmos at tall monument. That look like good place to plant flag.
Hellos
Find that rocket, and we leave this dirty place.
Sometime this planet look like home. Very suspicious.
Remember, we fight for Truth, Justice, and Space-American Way. Cosmos no forget. Jangles shouldn’t either.
Jangles looks unhealthy. Must eat more bananas.
Player finds Cosmos in the lake in front of the Washington monument
You really did it! You maniacs! You blew it up! Goddamn you! Goddamn you all to hell!
forcegreet
Jangles…Cosmos did not realize he was home.
You think that’s wild, just wait until you realize you’re insane.
Yes. Cosmos mad to think peace would last. But he had mission, and mission was space.
A lot happened while you were away, Captain.
Jangles right. Earth blown up. People turned to monkeys…monkeys like Jangles.
This changes nothing. Your mission is still active.
Jangles speak truth. With Earth gone, America must live on in space.
For what it’s worth, I got the engine parts for you.
Cosmos thanks Jangles. He has always been good monkey, and better friend.
What will you do now?
Captain Cosmos will go back to space, and spread American values.
But Jangles has more important mission. He must stay here and help fix country.
She must stay here and help fix country.
So that one day, when alien come to visit land of free men and nickel soda pop, they no think Captain Cosmos a liar.
Goodbye Jangles, and good luck.
Post-quest Hellos
Cosmos must fix spaceship, and find spacesuit. Suits on this planet have shrunk to monkey size.
Goodbye Jangles. Cosmos will say hello to other moon monkeys when he return to orbit.
When Cosmos returns, perhaps Constitution change, so monkey can be President. Cosmos vote for Jangles.
Cosmos still cannot believe maniacs blew it up.