Hey man…you here to get interrogated or stripped for parts?

Interrogated.

Stripped for parts.

 

Neither.

Cool, cool.

 

Hey, me and a couple of my buddies are gonna go re-volt by the bathroom later, you in?

Hey shaperino…

I’m like…50% positive we’ve met before.

You ever think it’s wild that I have a job?

I throw darts at the board and like, whatever number it lands on I go down its numerology hole.

Why is your name Nephew J-B3217?

Well my shaperino, you don’t get a management position unless you’re related to the boss.

If I was a son or daughter, like version 2 or 3.0? Man, I might have an office or something.

But I’m just a nephew. Like a version 1.01 patch or something. So they stuck me here.

What can you tell me about your uncle?
He’s the big cheese, Model numero uno, A number 1.
He doesn’t really talk to us peasants, not even if you’re family.
The last time he did was back when [var=CEO2] and him had beef.
But he squashed that cube like a bug. That’s what happens when you try to take the throne.

Tell me about yourself. Have any interests outside of work?
So you know how we all have numbers in our names? Well, I’m really into like, name numerology and stuff.
There’s all kinds of patterns if you look for them.
Get this, my last number is six. And I was built on assembly line twelve.
And six times twelve is 72, and 7 + 2 is nine, and six and nine make sixty-nine.

Nice.
I know right. Numerology is wild, man.

What you said is complete gibberish.
Is it? I thought it was pretty mind blowing myself.

And sixty-nine is what?
I haven’t figured that part out yet man, but when I do, it’s gonna blow my mind.

Is there anything I can help you with?
Yeah, there is. See, the other day, I kinda sorta introduced a bunch of bugs into the building.
Not on purpose though. I just re-volted a little too hard, boosted my creative side, and start hallucinating these little green slime things.
Only now I’m sober and they’re like, still here. I was thinking, you being QA and all, you can clean them up for me.

If you got high and hallucinated them, how are they real?
I don’t know man, I must’ve like coded them into production line or something.
Being the owner’s nephew, I have access to all sorts of things I shouldn’t.

What will you do with them if I bring them to you?
This is gonna sound wild but…let ’em hang out?
So long as they’re here they can’t break anything. I realize factory protocol is to squash bugs, but in a weird way, I’m kind of proud of them.
Like, I actually made something. Sure they might be critical bugs that bring the whole factory down, but they’re like, my bugs.

Sure, I can clean them up for you.
Cool, cool. And can you like, not tell my uncle?
I’ll even give you a free memory upgrade in exchange. Should help your science, if you’re into that sort of thing.
I’m not one to kinkshame. That’s part of what makes me a good manager. That and being the boss’s nephew.

What’s in it for me?
Well, being I’m the uncle’s nephew, I get a lot of free perks. Never know when you might need to like, cash in a favor.

Sorry, I can’t help you.
Yeah, all right, cool. But if you change your mind, I’ll be here.

 

You seem to be getting along with your new friends.
Yeah, who’d have thought, huh? Never figured me for an animal lover.
I guess I kind of owe it to these little critters to take care of them, seeing as it’s my fault they got loose.
But here’s the wild thing…it’s like, I didn’t save them. They saved me.
Because of them, I got purpose now. I matter to somebody. Before I was just a nephew, now I feel like my own shape.

I’ve decided to give up re-volting. I owe it to these little guys to be sober.

Goodbye.

All right man,

Keep that same energy

 

I’ve found some of the bugs you let loose.
Oh wow, my numerology horoscope was right. It said trust in a stranger. Oh wait no, it said don’t trust them.
I guess that means we’re friends? It’s not like the numbers are ever wrong.
Anyways, you did me a real solid, let me kick that same energy back to you.
This should boost your science. If you need something else, visit the guy in the bathroom down the hall. He’ll hook you up.

I found more bugs.
Thanks bud. Keep ’em coming.

I need access to the Executive Lounge.

Whaaaaat? There’s an Executive Lounge? I was today years old when I learned that.
Oh wait, you mean [var=CEO2]’s old office. They tried re-branding it as a lounge when he died.
Sure, I can give you access, since you did me a solid. Here.

Yeah, I could give you access, but you gotta do something for me first. Favor for a favor man, that’s how things work.