(Player knocks)
Who’s there?

An interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow-

Mooo!
Aaaaagh! How…how dare you interrupt me like that! Although to be fair, you did warn me. Still.

Yes, that’s right, I’m an interrupting cow. Pleased to meet you.
And now you’ve interrupted me and I’ve forgotten what I was going to say. Unbelievable.

Go on, finish what you’re trying to say, I’ll wait.
Well, I as going to say, “interrupting cow who?” But then you interrupted me.
Where are your manners?

Actually my name is [var=text_playerName].
Then why did you say you were a cow?
I’m completely flustered now. I don’t know if you’re trying to pull me closer or push me away.
Whatever it is, I don’t like it!

(if the player just lets the timer run, this statement allows them to loop back and interrupt again before the door says “Interrupting cow who?”)
That’s a strange name if I’ve ever heard one. I suppose the logical question to ask would be, “Interrupting cow-”

[var=text_playerName].
That name does sound familiar, but not familiar enough for me to let you in.
Perhaps you’re an acquaintance. Or worse yet, a salesman.

I am indeed a salesman. Would you like to buy some wood?
What do you think I am, a cannibal? How do I know that wood didn’t come from my sister?
Now, if you mean my sister-in-law, then we can talk.

We’ve actually never met.
Then why should I let you in? At the very least, you need to lather me with a primer first. One of those nice, thick coats.

I am indeed an acquaintance. We met at your mother’s sister’s brother’s cousin’s wedding.
Of course, now I remember. Your name was “the one who couldn’t open a door to save their life.”
Nearly ruined the whole wedding with your antics.

I actually don’t know who I am.
What are you, some kind of philospher? Well, if you’re looking for an existential debate, you’ve come to the wrong place.
I only have two states of mind. Open, and closed. Guess which one I am now.

Open?
Wrong.

You’re closed. Do I get a prize for guessing it right?
No.

Open, once I bash you in.
You can try. But no amount of [STRENGTH] can open me. You certainly lack the [WISDOM] to try, however.

How do I open you?
Well, I’m a locked door, so first you’ll need to unlock me.
Of course, I can’t reveal to you how. There’s an oath every door swears open being locked.

Did you ever have a keyhole?
Just because I’m a door doesn’t mean I require a key. For all you know, it could be a troll’s finger that opens me.
Why don’t you try killing a few trolls, and come back.

Touching the door, it feels like you had a keyhole at some point.
So you admit to touching me without my permission! I should call the guard. Have them put you on a list.

All right, do you know where I can find a troll?
Have you tried looking in a mirror? That’s where I’d start first.
And please don’t bother any actual trolls. There was one who passed by here just recently, and he was a good person who minded his own business.

Well, look at you, smart as a tack.
It’s almost as if I was being sarcastic. But someone as smart as yourself would surely have recognized that.

Stop being an ass and just tell me where to find the coin.
Have you tried looking in a coin purse? Seems like it’d be a good place, provided you aren’t poor.
Oh wait, you are.

Either way, I’d like access.
Fine. If you’re that insistent, I’ll tell you. Find a man in Cindra, named Olaf, and tell him the secret pass phrase, “Dining on broccoli is like eating a small tree, and your mother’s a trollop.”
Upon hearing this phrase, he will hand you what you require, and what you deserve.

Be reasonable.
Oh you’re no fun. Fine. I suppose one of us has to be the adult here.

I’m not saying that.

Thanks. I’ll find Olaf immediately.
Oh don’t do that. Don’t be… ugh… polite.

I admit it’s possible I had a keyhole once. But people change, and doors close. Still, I have a clue that might help you.
Maybe if you can visualize the keyhole, it’ll appear. But where does one find a matching keyhole? Perhaps in a chest with a similar lock?
You find that, and all this nastiness between us will be water under the bridge.
You’ll still need the key of course. But that’s probably buried around here somewhere.

What’s the clue again?
Clue? Did I give you such a thing? All I said was, you find a chest with a similar lock, and all our drama will be water under the bridge.

What if I can’t find the keyhole? Is there another way to open you?
Very well, since I’m feeling generous, I will let you enter, if you answer my riddle.

Ahem. “I have no hands, but I can knock. You can jump at me, take me, or seize me, but only once in a lifetime. What am I?”

Opportunity
Hm…

[Success] That is correct. Well done, and well said. As opportunities go, consider this yours. (anything else)

[Failure] Wrong answer!

Tell me about yourself.
Well, I’m a door. I’m made of wood, and I keep out nosy trespassers like you.

 

 

Goodbye.
Yes, and don’t let “me” hit you on the way out.

Player clicks on the door again.

Oh, it’s you.