Here’s some fake poster/cards I photoshopped of the three male followers in the bundle. As you may have noticed, for you have a keen eye for such things, they are colored red, white, and blue, the colors of America. Also France. And Liberia. And Taiwan. And Iceland. And North Korea. Okay, so maybe the color scheme isn’t entirely original, but the point is, nobody cares. Not here in America.

For today we dine on hot dogs and buffalo wings and other animals that we hunted to extinction. Why? Because we can. There are no sad toy pianos playing America the Beautiful, for it would burst into flames in protest. No, the music of freedom can only be heard through thunderous explosions, played via a symphony of illegal Chinese fireworks. There is nothing more American than that.