Morndas Mug

barware-mug-es-morndas-fullThis was posted on Facebook’s Skyrim Modders United.  Now you can drink your skoo– (I mean… coffee, or cocoa) in style with your “I hate Morndas” mug!  Available now at The Bethesda Store.

Just don’t drink from it in the company of a certain thief who stole the day, cause she’ll have something snarky to say about it, mark my words.  If she could read, that is.  Do they make a braille version, because I didn’t see that on the store pages…  So I guess the only way she’d know is if you told her.  Come to think of it, she actually might laugh, that jaded, derisive laugh she has.   Then she’d go fishing.  Maybe in your own home, to show you how annoying Morndas can really be.

Sorry, my thoughts ran away for a bit.  I was talking about a mug, right?  Should have her mug on it instead of the Dragonborn symbol.  Okay, bad pun.  Don’t punish me!

Dragon Age III Auditions

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A while back Bioware did a contest where amateur voice actors could audition for a role in the upcoming Dragon Age game. I have no idea who won, but it’s not anyone I know so obviously whoever was picking was drunk.

Nah, that’s a joke, the winners are probably great, and sometimes these choices come down to things you can’t control, like the sound of your voice or the hive of bees in the casting director’s ear. Anyways, at the time I didn’t want to pick favorites, but seeing as the contest is over, I decided to scour the GOOGLES and look for some auditions.

Well, it turns out most of the actors did not make their auditions public. Either that or I am really bad at finding them. Some people may have taken them down as well in a fit of rage.  Which is a shame now that I am writing this blog post. This is all about me, after all.

Okay, it’s really about the wonderful actors who I’m lucky to have working on the project. First to bat is Jessica Osborne being awesome as usual. I like how there’s text on this one so I can read the other person’s lines. Otherwise you’re just a crazy person talking to no one. Well played, my friend, well played.

Here’s my podcast partner Alice Bell telling the Inquisitor where to find the motherfucking door. Now, at first I thought her use of a plain black screen was just general laziness and/or indifference, which is something I can appreciate. But the more I think about it, the more I’m convinced it’s pure genius.

With a black screen, you pay more attention to the voice and the acting. It’s kind of like staring at some modern art piece in a museum. At first you’re like “Psssh!” but then later you’re like “Hmmmmm.” Anyways the moral of the story is Alice can do no wrong. You understand me, police? She has diplomatic immunity.

Another thing I noticed is that the only auditions that were posted on Youtube were women. Now we know who has the balls in the 3DNPC family.  Anyways, I love Cassandra’s emotion as always, you can tell why she makes an excellent hypochondriac. But the thing that I’m most curious about is the photoshopped III in the video.

It’s like “Fuck, there is no way I’m acknowledging the previous game’s existence. Not. A. Chance. In fact, I am going to take my MSPAINT tool and just blur that fucker out.” Which I totally get by the way, although I may have exaggerated when I said the game was bad. I mean for one, I really, really like the characters in DA2. Varric Tethras alone is worth the price of purchase. And…and…some of my best friends are DA2 NPCs. Although one of them is Alistair. Please don’t hate me.

This video has #TheRealEldawyn and jokes and cats. It’s amazeballs. But really, everyone did great. And they all would’ve gotten cast too, if it weren’t for those rotten bees.

 

Sims and Saints

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It appears I am suffering from a disease where I don’t even play games any more, I just spend all my time putting 3DNPCs into the character creators.

The first one is a riff on the Fallout comic 324b21 is making. I didn’t know how to make an Argonian in the Sims, probably because that option doesn’t exist, so I just covered Anum-La‘s skin in tats. It sort of looks like scales if you take off your glasses.

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This is Morndas as I picture her in modern day clothes, just kicking it down in some urine-scented New York subway.  After a morning cigarette, she flicks it onto the track and hops on a train to Times Square. Like any good cat/burglar, she wants to dip her paws in the blue jean water and see if she can’t catch some fish.