Cost vs. Benefit

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whitebarShe swears she can hear Baan Dar laughing from his aetherial hiding place as she runs; enemy arrows whistling so close as to slit the skin of her pumping arms and legs. She flinches at the familiar thud of impact into tree trunks, earth– the thick material of her pack. Her heart is a thunder of panic in her chest as branches break off in her hands, are discarded behind her. A curse, a heaving breath, a sob, escapes her: These trees cannot be climbed.

The will to run is draining fast; she can feel the spasms of fatigue starting in her calves. She leaps over a crop of rock, hopes in vain to elude the three– three— bandit chiefs behind her, with their axe, hammer, and greatsword. She cuts a corner, doubles back– right through her pursuers before they have a chance to react, to swing.

The archer has no such failing.

Pain erupts in her arm, but she refuses to stagger, to stop– Blood like liquid fire races in rivulets to her fingers; flinging red drops into the unbending, unaiding trees. She thinks she knows, now, what the Red Mountain must have felt like when Baar Dau cleaved Vivec.

Desperately, she tumbles down an incline, slides behind a fallen log– crouches, cradles her arm; hopes the wind tears away her heaving breaths. Salt blooms in her mouth. She realizes she is weeping.

Her teeth clench so hard she can feel them nearly splinter. With a few hasty breaths through her nose and Healing lighting her good hand, she wrenches the arrow from her arm. The magic balms the agony, knits her flesh before she can cry out. She fills her lungs when her magicka empties, Healing blinking out of her palm. She can hear the bandits searching for her, calling her out of hiding as if expecting her to respond. Her jaw sets with fury.

Where, in Yffre’s name, is Skjarn?

Canted, lion-esque eyes scan the field before her; the road they two had been walking when the bandits had appeared from nowhere, steel blazing. She’d been in awe of the barrow they were passing and its great stone arches. Deaf to the snapping of twigs and rustle of grass beneath heavily armored feet.

There– against the slope of the barrow’s hill, the glint of Skjarn’s armor silhouettes a huddled form. Dead?

Her hands flash to her bow, her arrows, just as the bandit archer steps hard to jump over the log she hides behind. Her shot pierces him from under chin through top of skull. He is dead in the air, and broken when he hits the ground.

The chiefs are not far behind– the enraged roar of the Orc like a flame beneath her, and she runs.

“Skjarn!” She yells, sprinting toward his body for all she’s worth. She can see his thick arms shaking with pain; the knuckles of his axe hand clenching white, useless around the weapon. Alive. She barely has time to reach through the top of her pack and feel for cold ceramic before the telltale grunting shout of a killing blow sounds at her back.

In one slow blink, time protracts. She thinks of the small, brown deer she used to hunt in Valenwood– how they could jump so high as to use the low branches of the trees as footing to escape an arrow shot. And when time snaps back like a bowstring, she is already jumping. Once, twice; the healing potion landing square in Skjarn’s lap as the battleaxe swings beneath her feet.

She lands, turns, has no time to get her bow back, the Orc is bearing down– she is that little deer, isn’t she? Brown skin trembling, dried tears on her cheeks as she scrabbles, scrambles to get far enough away, just–

Skjarn staggers behind the Orc, makes himself stand. She can see color filling his cheeks over the heaving shoulder of her killer’s armor. The Orc is pulling his weapon behind him, bending like an oak for the executioner’s blow. Skjarn hefts his axe in his hand, coils his body to strike– so much faster than the heavy Orc– like a cobra, like a king– The sun glints off the axehead, the wind pulls at his armor, and suddenly– She can see all the things he has said. All the praise that has been given him. Her eyes widen and a smile pulls her thin lips in that moment. He is noble, he is a hero, he is–

The Orc whirls– striking Skjarn right back down. His little axe falls with a clatter and a whimper.

… Seriously?

“No one bests an Orc!” The bandit chief sneers, spits into the dirt beside Skjarn’s– again– trembling, feeble, beaten body.

She sighs, rolls her eyes, and grabs her bow. Two rapid arrows later, and the Orc is off to meet his god. But there are still two chiefs more.

“Come on, Skjarn,” she picks up his arm, shoves another potion into his weak fingers. “You’re not even bleeding.”

And then she’s running into the trees, focus fixed on the remaining bandits charging down the field toward Skjarn. This had been her plan all along, when she’d met Skjarn in Dragon Bridge. He’d been painfully arrogant, pandering his own praise, but his neck was as thick as his biceps, and she could use a bit of melee to hold her targets still for the sting of her bow.

Again, Skjarn pulls himself up. Axe in hand, he plants his feet as if the oncoming bandits are a tide and, he, the immovable cliff shore. This time, she beams wickedly, notching an arrow and following the leading bandit’s pace. She can almost hear future bards singing Skjarn’s heroism as he stands his ground, raises his axe in counterpoint to the bandit chief’s rising sword, and…!

Falls.

“Oh, for heaven’s sake!

A few poison-dipped arrows find their marks and the Bosmer stomps from the trees to her staggered companion. He heaves a breath, pushes himself up, and is just finding his footing again when she reaches him.

“What was that?” She demands in a snarl, seeing dented armor but not a single wound upon his body. “What on Nirn was that?

He fixes her with a look that wouldn’t turn the gaze of the homeliest tavern wench, though he clearly believes it would.

“Some call me Skjarn the Magnificent.” He drawls. “It’s a little redundant, don’t ya think?”

Her fist flashes with her temper.

“Hey!”

“Come on.” She snaps, wrenching the arrows from her pack and stuffing them in her quiver. She should’ve known when he hadn’t so much as mentioned coin when she asked him to follow her that something was up. Free help is free help, she’d thought then.

Yeah, she retorts now, assuming a pace she hopes will get Skjarn lost in the mountains. And I got what I paid for.

Cats of Arkay

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whitebar Amira dropped to a crouch in the soft snow.  The unfamiliar akaviri armor weighed her down, but not so much that she couldn’t work with it.  Her tail twitched as the blades of her opponent scissored a flea’s length over her head.  Her ears barely flattened in time to avoid a vicious clipping.  The young khajiit had spent a sizable portion of the last few weeks on the road – on a pilgrimage of sorts – in preparation for the duel she now faced.  Her opponent had spent far longer in mastering the same techniques, and it showed.  The other khajiit was fluid, and near-flawless in her deadly dance.  And the akaviri armor she had stolen from her murdered mentor didn’t seem to weigh her down as it did to Amira.

But Amira’s opponent was brash, reckless, and arrogant in her ability.  Blasphemously so in many cases.  Amira had dealt with such foes before in the form of the dragons whose souls she had taken to herself like the Mother Cat took her kittens.  She had decided that this being an honor duel, she would not call forth the shouts that now defined her to the people of Skyrim.  As she raised her off-hand blade in a circular motion, deflecting a strike to the head, she wondered at what point she had begun to develop ethics.  From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of two figures standing off a ways from the duel.  Both were khajiit, like Amira and her opponent.  One was older and wore a monk’s robes.  The other was younger, with a somewhat bluish hue to his fur, and a somewhat fidgety, worried expression.  To their credit, neither looked about to interfere, though the younger of the pair was obviously making a great deal of effort to restrain himself.

And then her attention was called back to the battle.  Her knowledge of the stances of the Way of the Nine was not comparable to that of her opponent, but in terms of skill rather than technique, she was the better – a fact which only served to infuriate her opponent as the fight went on.  What had started as smirking, sneering disdain had progressed through cold, murderous determination to snarling, bitter fury.  And while her opponent was still focused, it was a bit too much for her own good.  Amira paced herself, calling upon the lessons she had learned over the course of her pilgrimage, and the blessings each of the Divines had offered.  The last was that of her opponent’s mentor – the dead Blade who had bade her take up the work of disciplining the errant pupil.  Long ago, the opponent had murdered her mentor, discarding him when she felt she had learned all she needed to know.  Disdaining him and his reliance on the Gods, she had also discarded the core that her sword techniques had been founded on.  In another life, perhaps another time, Amira might have been that kitten.

In the here and now, though, she was the opponent’s executioner.  The opponent surged forward at her, but this time, Amira advanced to meet the blades with her own.  The four lengths of sharpened, curved steel met with a calm-shattering crash, and caught upon each other.  The two khajiit duelists now found themselves locked face to face with each other.  Whiskers flicked, and muzzles flashes hissing grimaces of mutual disdain.  Amira could practically hear the Drums of Arkay pounding in her head, though in time, she would reckon it was merely her own heartbeat, thundering inside her, and guiding her will and blades.  Amira, despite her smaller size, was the stronger, and stooping slightly, shoved the opponent backward in a sudden jolt.  The opponent was caught off her footing and stumbled backward for only a half-second before righting herself.

By then, it was too late.  In the half-second she had been knocked back, her swords had gone out to her sides as she involuntarily sought for balance.  She she pushed herself up from her knees, Amira’s blades caught her through the chest from a higher angle, driving through the chestplate of her armor and forcing her back to her knees.  A hiss of rage and pain echoed through the still, frigid night air.  Gathering her balance, Amira backed up, removing her weapons from her opponent’s torso.  As she did so, Amira thought she could hear the Drums of Arkay fading from the background as calm began to restore itself.  She stared at her opponent, and her opponent stared back, a mixture of hatred and incomprehension flickering in her eyes.

The opponent spat at Amira, but it was a weak effort.  The blood-laden spittle stained the snow at Amira’s feet, and the opponent laughed bitterly.  The eyes were glazing, even as the opponent struggled to live just a bit longer.  They fell to the ground, now laden with the blood from both duelists – and the tracks marking where their movements had taken them.  With her strength waning, the opponent studied the tracks with the desperate intensity of a doomed soothsayer.  Her swords dropped from her near-nerveless fingers as she tried to paw at the tracks in dying frustration.

“Blast!” the opponent snarled. “I almost had it this time!”

She tried to rise, but her legs seemed not to work.  Amira had to restrain the urge to offer her opponent a hand up.  But by this time, the opponent had no care for anything by the tracks in the snow, which were already being eradicated by the wind.  Blood poured from the wounds and onto the snow around the opponent, and she gave another hacking cough.  She briefly glanced up at Amira, eyes unfocused, and clambered, tottering, to her feet.

“…I… I could see it in front of me!  I just… just need to re… retrace the…”

The opponent tried to move one leg, as though initiating a kata, then stumbled and fell face-first into the snow, and moved or spoke no more.  Only her tail flew lifelessly in the wind.  Amira felt a certain pity for her slain opponent.  After all of this effort, the corpse had utterly obliterated the tracks they had left.  She felt it was a very undignified end for a warrior.

The Drums of Arkay had ceased in her head by now, and Amira felt she could breathe again, though it hurt.  She had been scored by several wounds from her opponent’s blades before the end came.  Without the focus and adrenaline of combat, the young khajiit fell back, exhausted onto her haunches in the snow.  She was aware of the shade of the opponent’s mentor, congratulating her and saying something about the Gods.  She muttered something suitably heroic and complimentary, but would later be unable to recall what it had been.  Too, she was aware of the presence of her travelling companions, Inigo and Qa’Dojo.  It was the monk who reached her first.  He muttered some parable under his breath as he worked to staunch the bleeding, but Amira wasn’t really listening, merely being comforted by the soothing presence and voice.

“Can she move, monk?”  The voice was somewhat nervous and impatient, trying to hide its evident worry with quiet, urgent bravado.  Inigo’s face swam into view, but any direct inquiry was interrupted.

“She’ll be fine, my young friend.  She has just engaged herself in a very stressful, draining experience.  Give her a few moments to right herself.  If you want to be helpful, dig into one of our packs and hand me some of those potions, yes?”

Amira’s head was beginning to swim.  She had been wounded often and badly enough in Skyrim to know this was the sign of deep wounds and blood loss.  The opponent had not been completely outmatched, and the cuts she had made had taken their own sweet time to start bleeding out.  Her vision darkened and she feelt her jaws being coaxed open by shaking hands.

“I should have shot that mangy furball in the back of the head.”  Inigo was grumbling, sounding angry with himself.  As long as Amira had traveled with him, she had come to know of his miserable bouts of self-hatred.  Absently, she chided herself for getting carried away when she had known her companion was in such a fragile personal state, but there was nothing to be done, now.  She tasted… red… and warmth in her mouth.  It wasn’t the taste of blood, but something that was foul on the tongue… but seeped into her being.  Her vision, dimmed to darkened shadows brimmed over with deep, healing crimson, and slowly began to come back into focus, fading in and out while the potions did their work.  The snow was falling again, and absent-mindedly, Amira flicked her tongue out, catching a few snowflakes and lapping them up in an exaggerated manner.  Something in the motion must have struck the right nerves, because Inigo’s worried, fidgety motions were replaced with a short, cleaning burst of hysterical laughter.  Qa’Dojo looked between Amira and Inigo and tsk’ed quietly to himself, but his whiskers twitched with faint amusement, all the same.

“Stay laid down for a few moments more, little kitten.  Let the potions do their work.  Inigo will sit with you while I tend to the body of your fallen foe.”

The blue-furred khajiit’s ears flattened in annoyance.  “I say we leave that evil thing for the beasts.  It was honorable of our friend to engage her so, but I do not think she is overly worthy of courtesy now.”

Qa’Dojo shrugged.  “Perhaps, but it is not to honor her so much as it is to honor our friend.  Perhaps we should ask Amira herself, yes?”  The older khajiit glanced down at Amira.  “What do you think, hm?”

Amira’s head was no longer swimming.  She glanced over at the body.  Not even the tail moved anymore – the tip had become stuck under one leg somehow.  All life had fled the body by now.  All that was left was a dead, furry… thing.  Amira slowly guided herself to a sitting position.  “…her name was S’Vashni.  Give her whatever proper rights you can.  She may not deserve such courtesy, but that doesn’t mean we aren’t obligated to give it just the same.  No reason to go developing bad habits, especially when it comes to mercy.”

She glanced over at Inigo, and caught his expression.  It was the look of someone who was duly chastened, but it didn’t stay for long.  Nonetheless, she felt he had understood.  She extended a hand to him, and he pulled her up.  Qa’Dojo said nothing, but went quietly about his work.  Amira allowed Inigo to guide her to a sitting spot on a fallen log, and tried to relax while he collected the fallen blades – hers and S’Vashni’s.  Inigo handed Amira’s blades back, then held up those that had been S’vashni‘s.

“I’ll hold onto these for now, if you’ll permit me.  You’re already weighed down and still wounded.  I’ll turn them over to you once we get back to Breezehome.  Is that alright?”  Amira nodded, and Inigo took a few moments to fashion a back-sling for both of the scabbarded blades.  Once this was done, he sat down on the log next to Amira.  For a time, there was companionable silence as the younger khajiit watched Qa’Dojo do his work.  At length, Inigo spoke again, perhaps still nervous and wanting to fill the silence.  “So…  Not exactly like sitting at a table at the Bannered Mare, hm?”

Amira chuckled, though even that still hurt.  “The service is just about as good.  I don’t think Saadia’s much of a waitress.”

Inigo chortled a bit at this.  “Coming back from the brink of death with a horrible humor.  That’s one thing I have always admired about you, my friend.  But don’t go scaring me like this again, yes?  I don’t exactly have that many friends left in Skyrim, losing my best one…  I’m not sure I could accept this.  Who else would put up with my observations on how many useless knick-knacks they carried around, or how the local Nords haven’t figured out a toilet more advanced than a bucket, hm?  You are my friend, and I… I am glad to know you, to share in your adventures.  I don’t want them to come to a sudden end because you had to do something on your own.”

Amira felt somewhat uncomfortable at the way Inigo had begun to pour himself out to her.  Not because she thought he was love-stricken.  She was well aware that there was no attraction between them, but at some point, she and the azure khajiit became close-knit.  When she had found him in the Riften jail, he had recognized her as someone he had shot and betrayed.  And she had not recognized him at all.  She had no recollection of him, although it was not surprising, as there were several gaps in her memory directly prior to being arrested for illegally crossing the border between Cyrodiil and Skyrim.  She had forgiven him, had accepted his help, despite some trepidations of a setup.  And he had followed her since then.  As she had grown in confidence and responsibility, so too had Inigo begin to shake off the guilt and self-loathing that had caused him to retreat inward.  His hands shook a little – trembled, really.  Amira could practically see his thoughts turning towards the Skooma that he had given up, but confessed a remaining desire for.  She reached out, took him by the wrist, not hard, just firm enough to get his attention.  She grinned, flicked her whiskers once, twice.

And just like that, they began to laugh as the snow fell once more.

Old Friends

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It’s no secret the chairs are soaked in ale. Wet and rotten and filled with bugs. Probably. That’s the theory, anyway. Degaine, for one, is a believer. That’s why he’s crawling on the stone, sniffing the chairs, inhaling their musk.  He finds one that’s damp. Sticky. He clings on to it for dear life. He licks its thorny stems.

Sometimes he’ll get too excited and bite into the wood.  It’s soft, splintery.  Degaine doesn’t chew. Not at first. He clumps them in the corner of his mouth like bales of hay. Then he presses them with his molars. Squeezes out that last bit of juice.

On this day though, his bite severs the chair’s artery. Sweet, golden barley pours out from the wound. Kleppr sighs. The innkeeper only sees a mess to clean. Luckily Degaine’s clothes are made of old rags. Frabbi, Kleppr’s wife, spears his back and uses the beggar to wipe the floor.

The Khajiit doesn’t find this behavior odd. Not after Ysolda told her of the tree. She has cradled it many times, tasted its purple nectar. The tree sleeps. The soul dreams.

A chorus of sneers fill the inn as Frabbi’s mop soaks up the last of the malted syrup. This mop, which once had a name, Dejohn or something or other, was said to be a liar. Perhaps this was so, the Khajiit thinks, but the drink changed him. In the end, the mop was true to his feelings.  It was the ale that made him honest.

When she’s alone with her thoughts, the Khajiit sometimes gets anxious. She wonders if the last time will be just that. Her body shudders. Her whiskers go limp. She tries to say goodbye, but her mouth can’t even form the words. Yet with each breath, all of her doubts are trapped in a chrysalis of smoky white. And when the cocoon tears so does time itself, transporting her far beyond, to a place where she too has lost her name.

In that vision, she finds herself laid out in front of an old hearth.  Her owner, a High Elf, ambles slowly across her pelt, his bare toes wading through her gentle fur. He falls into his velvet chair before falling asleep, counting the crackle of flames as they warm the curved stone. As his body grows still, his grip loosens. He drops the bottle in his hand. It barely makes a sound.

From the lip of the bottle, a milky substance drops onto the pelt. An old friend. And the Khajiit realizes, in this life and the next, that she has no need for parting words. She’ll never have to say them.