Howdy.

What can I do for you?

Anything you need, I got.

Why set up a store here?
Why not? It seemed like a nice, quiet place to retire. But a guy’s still gotta make a living, so I set up shop.

Any rumors you can pass along?
Not much. I hear Seward Square is a mess these days. Mutants, madmen, the works. Makes me glad I live out west.

What have you got for sale?
Everything you see here.
Here’s what I got.
Take a look.

Goodbyes

All right then.

Come by if you need supplies.

After you meet Spider and she sends you out to find holotapes. The holotape series revolves around a crazy patriot named Greg Haskins, whose son was killed by a “vault monster.” Player returns to Haskins’ store.

Is your first name by any chance Greg?
Why? What business is that of yours?

We found these holotapes that mention a Greg Haskins. I thought it might be you.
I don’t know what you’re talking about.

I figured as much. Sorry to bother you.
No problem.

Yeah, there’s no way a patriot like Greg Haskins would hide out here.
I don’t like what you’re implying, stranger.
I was singing “America the Beautiful” while you and your pinko friends were too busy cowering in the vaults!

I heard about Wally. I’m sorry.
How dare you speak my son’s name, you vault-dwelling son of a bitch!

Then you are Greg Haskins.
Yeah, I am. And I know you too, you no good commie bastard.
Who sent you? Was it Stalin? Mao? Or was it President Roosevelt all along?

Nobody sent me.
So what are you here for, a handout? Well, if you want my money, you’re gonna have to pry it from my cold, dead hands you worthless commie!

That’s right, you guessed it. It was Stalin.
So you’re a Soviet spy. I should’ve known. You certainly got the legs for it.
Well you can kiss them both goodbye! I didn’t fight off the Nazis to let you vodka drinking scum straddle our land!

Okay, I get it. You’re fucking insane.
That’s what the quacks at the hospital told me. They said Greg, the radiation’s peeling your skin off.
And I said “fuck your radiation!” It’ll be a cold day in hell before I admit defeat to you goddamn commies!

All righty, I think it’s time everyone calmed down a bit. Deep breaths.

Who are you? Another spy?

Do I look like a spy?

Good question. What do spies look like?

Well, the spies in the holotape stories wear tuxedos and mix martinis with their ding-a-ling.

Hm…you have a point. But just cause you aren’t a spy, it doesn’t mean you aren’t some dirty, Lenin-loving pinko.

I could be, I very well could, but would a communist want to blow up a famous socialist landmark? Because I totally would.

You must mean the Obelisk of Stalin. Having that in the National Mall is a disgrace to all of America.
Destroying it would certainly prove your loyalty to the Founding Fathers.

And in exchange, all we ask is for one, eentsy weentsy little holotape. Although come to think of it, it’s actually not that small. 
Wouldn’t fit in a bra, anyway. Good thing I’m not wearing one!

Enough with the commie gibberish you crazy son of a bitch! Tell me, in English, do we have a deal or not?

Sure, why not. Blowing things up is kind of my thing.

 

So are we clear on what needs to be done?

What’s the Obelisk of Stalin?
Be thankful you never had to see it. It’s a Washington monument dedicated to socialism. It needs to fall.

What can you tell me about the holotapes?
It’s a show my son Wally and I used to do to preach against the evil of vault dwelling.

What’s so bad about vaults?
It’s a bunch of anti-war, hippie nonsense. No true patriot would ever hide away in a vault.
Besides, I imagine anyone who ever lived in one is either insane or dead. You tell me if that’s a good thing.

What have you got for sale?
Nothing for commies, that’s for sure.
Only the best, finest American goods.

Hellos/Goodbyes
Make sure you destroy that Obelisk.
Remember the mission.

player goes to Washington Monument to plant bomb, finds a BoS member on the roof

Look how high up I am. The muties will never touch me up here. I’m finally safe.

greet

You hiding out here too? Well, it’s a good spot. No mutants, fresh air, and you can’t beat the view.

Your presence is required downstairs.
Oh god, it’s not mutants again, is it? 

Don’t worry, it’s nothing serious. 
Then they won’t mind if I stay up here a little longer. I need another minute before I go down.

The knight said it was really important, but not combat related.
In that case, I better get down there. Thanks for the heads up.

Bingo. It’s mutants again. Lucky you.
I think I’m gonna be sick. Hold on, give me a moment.

You have to get out of here. Someone’s planted a bomb up here!
A bomb? Oh fuck me, why does this keep happening!

Yeah, enjoy it while it lasts.
I will. Thanks friend.

I wonder if they’ll just let me live up here. There’s a bed, plenty of supplies. I might need a lightning rod though.

player blows up  monument wall, gets concrete block as proof, returns to Haskins

Well, have you done as I asked?

I have. Here’s the proof.
Well done, patriot, well done indeed. Today, we’ve dealt a great blow to the enemies of freedom.
And as promised, here. The last holotape in the series.

What are you going to do with the block?
I’m going to display it on the counter here. That way every customer who comes into my store will know just how much I love this country.

The irony of which is kind of funny.
I don’t know what you mean, but laugh all you want.
I’ll still strangle a pinko to death to defend your right to do it.

You’re a true American. A bonafide patriot.
As are you, soldier. I salute you, on behalf of America.

It actually identifies you as a terrorist, but okay.
To a welfare loving, fart sniffing commie, it might. But not to you and me.

Just don’t tell anyone where you got it.
Don’t worry, the commies will never break me. You can count on that.

What do you think will happen to the Mall?
Well, with the Obelisk destroyed, I’m going to petition the government to create a new monument in its place.
And I’m going to dedicate it to the greatest President the world has ever known.

Let me guess. George Washington?
I was going to say President Reagan, but sure, that guy works too.

The President we deserve. Adolf Hitler.
I didn’t think America’s last great patriot was also a Nazi sympathizer.
Well, the war with the Germans is over. You can stay in our country and build Volkswagons. For now.

I don’t even want to speculate who that President might be.
Ronald Wilson Reagan. Professional holotape actor, and leader of men.

What’s on this last holotape anyway?
The story of America.

Goodbye
God’s speed, my fellow American.

Hellos
What do you need, patriot?
How can I help a fellow freedom fighter?