Doctor

I sometimes buy corpses for training and research. It has to be fresh though, otherwise it’s no good.

I prefer to buy my corpses undressed. The raiders in particular. I nearly lopped off my own arm trying to remove their armor spikes.

Even animal corpses are helpful. Dissecting things is good practice.

Some might find what I do morbid, but the fact remains. The only way to train a surgeon is to practice on the real thing.

I’m also researching the effect of stimpaks on the body. Although to be honest, I despise them. If they were any more effective I’d be out of a job.

Med-X is an excellent anesthetic, but like any opioid it can be abused.

Buffout’s side effects are well documented. Enlarged craniums, shrunken testicles, cardiac arrest…but it’s still the best way to reduce inflammation.

Whenever a patient comes into the shop for assistance, I like to inject them with a tag that monitors their vitals.
The data is very useful in determining common causes of death. Mostly, it’s bullets. But sometimes, it’s stress.

I’ve always been ahead of my peers. Most of them have a keen eye for science, but few have the vision to look beyond the numbers.

I didn’t always have steady hands. But unlike most people who curse the gods for their deficiencies, I overcome them.

There are plenty of chems to deal with shaky hands. It’s the same stimulants raiders use to fix their aim.
To be honest, I wouldn’t trust a human to operate on me without them.

Out there, precision is wasted. In the lab, it’s celebrated.

Science is not a tool for the uninitiated. I’d rather arm a deathclaw than a politician.

I don’t like to read the newspaper. Too much of it is unsubstantiated. Not to mention there’s an anti-robot bias.

As a machine, I’m not held back by ethical claptrap. We’re truly on the cutting edge of modern medicine.

I don’t discriminate between raiders and settlers. It’s not our place to tell humans what to do with their lives, or the lives of their victims.

Yes?
Need something?
What is it?
Can I help you?

NURSE

Do you have an appointment?

As a matter of fact I do have an appointment. Made it two hundred years ago.
I’m sorry, but we don’t make appointments more than seven days in advance.
You’ll have to schedule a new one.

I don’t have time for this.
Right. If you’re terminally ill, the doctor might make an exception. But you look healthy enough.

I work here.
You must be the orderly we fired yesterday. Nuclear war or not, the doctor doesn’t take kindly to two hundred years of sick leave.
Your recommendation is in the mail.

All right, you got me. I’m scavenging for supplies.
Then you’ll need to find a drug store.

(quest) Here. I was told you could help me. 
Ah, this must be for the ghoul. I guess he ran out of “medicine.”
Here you go. One irradiated vodka. With a hint of tarberry.

Addiction
Uh-huh. Sit on the table and spread your legs please.

Cure me.
Mm-hm. Take off your shirt and get on the table please.

Radiation
Uh-huh. Remove your pants and bend over please.

Goodbye
Come back soon.

Hello

The doctor is a bit aloof, but rest assured, he’s programmed to be a genius.

If you’re here to see the doctor, he’d prefer it if you come back when you’re dead or dying. Living patients can see me.

Yeah?

What is it?

Scene 1

Nurse!

What is it doctor?

The patient that came in the other day, with the Lesch-Nyhan syndrome? I heard he’s recovering.

Yes. The surgery seems to have been a success.

That isn’t a good thing. He’ll still be prone to self-mutilation. And unless he dies, we can’t examine his brain.

Then perhaps you should try to be less good at your job.

That would go against my programming. Perfection, I tell you. It’s a curse.

Scene 2

I found the missing tags.

Oh? And where did my pretty little subjects run off too?

The trash can. The raiders must’ve found the tags and tossed them. Should I increase security?

No. The implants are for their benefit. Once you explain that to them, they’ll bend over backwards to thank me.

I’ll increase security.

Scene 3

I’ve ordered more telephones from the caravan dealers.

Good. You can never have enough copper. It should help with your sensory problems.

I don’t have sensory problems, doctor.

You will, when you see the color of our new wallpaper.

Scene 4

What time is it? I’m starving.

You charged your systems about an hour ago.

Yes, but I wasn’t hungry then. I’m hungry now.

Scene 5

How are the books coming along?

Slowly. Keep in mind doctor, I’m a trained nurse, not an accountant.

True. But I’m paying you enough to be both.