BEEP BEEP

Robot with a cowboy accent. Despite his accent, most of the dialogue is robot-y but he’ll mix in the occasional folksy word here and there.

Also, don’t worry about the robot effect, that can be done in audacity very easily, Effect –> Echo–>Delay time = 0.015 and Decay = 0.65

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUtjS5bSzRI

 

conversation start

Target engaged. Howdy partner. This unit extends a token of gratitude for retrieval of the child.

The child is under the impression you’re sick.
Negative, cowpoke. A scan of this unit’s databanks show zero irregularities.
However, this unit is programmed to remove all secondary functions when battery life falls below thirty percent.
The little cowdoodle believes this to be a system malfunction, like the one that hogtied her creators.

Well, then you should do a better job of parenting, machine.
Affirmative, amigo. This unit failed to properly communicate its message, resulting in the child’s departure.

Boop had me gather all these spare parts. Why did she think that would fix you?
Simple, sawduster. This unit has been programmed to encourage the child’s irrational personality matrix.
The programmers refer to this behavior as creative learning and believe it is vital to keeping the child engaged in her studies.
Unfortunately its utility in the event of an actual crisis cannot be determined without more data.

What happened to her parents?
Bad news, buckaroo. Early termination due to radiation poisoning.
It was their intent that this unit prepare the child for adulthood in their absence.
However it is this unit’s estimation that its battery life will terminate approximately three years prior to completion of  the training.

How did you come to care for the child?
Just an old fashioned Indian shuffle, pardner, a programming switcharoo.
When it was done, this unit went from diagnostic functions to teaching the little cowprodder survivalist techniques through role play.

Tell me more about what you’ve taught the child.
You got it partner. Simulations vary from gunfights to strategy to medical care.
On occasion, there are also psychological simulations deemed necessary for recovery.

What sort of psychological simulations?
Well, in the “Witch and the Princess,” symptoms of depression and anxiety are attributed to spells of magic.
The aim is to teach the little juniper that these are challenges to be overcome or cured.

What simulation are you running currently?
Can’t you tell, kemosabe?
While this unit adapts to the little cowpuncher’s preferences, its current personality matrix mixes in lingo from the Old West.

Is it true you’re running low on battery life?
Just a hitch in the giddy-up, partner. But if functions were limited to speech, this unit could operate for approximately fifty more years.
However, due to the child’s irregular learning curve and demands for a tactile reward system, at current pace it will terminate in ten months.

Is there anything that I can do to extend your battery life?
We’re up a tree, buckaroo. This unit’s power supply must be replaced with parts from a duplicate prototype.
And the last operative unit in its database is registered to the RobCo Facility in Washington D.C.
But if you could somehow retrieve this one and only battery, it would likely extend this unit’s life cycle by an additional ten years.

Okay. I’ll go retrieve the battery.
Request acceptance acknowledged, amigo. This unit will remain in stasis until your return.

Not right now.
Request declination received, rancharino.

Engaging target. Greetings, gaucho. Did you find the prototype?

Sorry, the battery was damaged.
That’s bad news, buckaroo. But this unit will do its best to complete the training regimen with the time allotted. 
If you would like to assist in this endeavor, you may take the little cowpoke under your supervision.
This unit will then log the hours into its databanks as part of the course. Thank you.

No, but on the bright side, Boop’s happy.
This unit will have to take your word for it, cowpoker. It’s not equipped to measure emotions not relevant to survival. 
It will interpret your comment as speculative. 
But if you have the child’s interests at heart, this unit recommends you serve as her guardian.
Regardless, it will keep add your genetic imprint to the list of non-hostiles. Just hold still for scanning. Thank you.

How do you suggest I train her?
Simple, sheriff. This unit likes to focus on areas of strength.
Maximizing these attributes will increase efficiency with regard to unit of energy spent.
In fact, this unit is currently using multiple training scenarios, including but not limited to The Chosen One of Arroyo, and the Hero from Vault 13.

Hellos/Goodbyes
Engaging target. Howdy friend.
Target identified. Welcome back, partner.
Disengaging target. See ya.
Target dismissed. Until next time, buckaroo.

If beep beep fixed and made into a normal robot

System Reboot in Progress…

Scanning target. Target is healthy. Disengaging.

Scanning target. Target is in good health.

Scanning target. Target is suffering from multiple addictions. Requires blood sample to confirm.

Scanning target. Target is in poor health.

Engaging target. Hello.

Target identified. Welcome back.