POSSIBLE LOCATION, SUBWAY STATION NEAR DIAMOND CITY

OTHER LOCATIONS, CAR MECHANIC WAREHOUSE NEAR REVERE STREET STATION, or EMPTY BUILDINGS NEAR NAHANT

 

Brick

Anchorage

Joker

Commie

FOR CADENCES, ALL ROLES MUST SING THEM REGARDLESS OF COLOR

BRICK

Have you met the crew? Joker, he’s the funny man. Commie, she don’t say word.
Anchorage is the ghoul. You can guess where he did his tour.

We used to be gunners. Our C.O. gave me an order to shoot Commie, because he thought she was a synth.
So Joker and I gave Sergeant Fuck-for-brains a 40-round salute.

Used to run with a guy named Mortar, out in D.C.. Wish I knew what happened to him.
We got separated in this dust storm. Haven’t seen him since. But knowing him, he’ll find me before I find him.

Anchorage busted his leg in a firefight downtown.
We can’t do nothing but polish our RPGs until that leg gets healed.
One thing my big brother taught me, it’s that no man gets left behind.

Army Cadence (BRICK, JOKER, AND ANCHORAGE SING)

These are meant to be sang like an Army Cadence, so first the leader sings, and then the others follow. Right now just have this one thing

Cadence 1

Up in the morning out the rack
Greeted at dawn with an early attack
The Muties are knocking at the door
But I answer to the army corp

Hail oh Hail oh infantry
Bring the battle or follow me
Off to war we will go
To live or die, hell I don’t know

Toxic air and acid rain
Take a shot and feel no pain
but in my heart I have no fear
because my ranger God is here

Hail oh Hail oh infantry
Bring the battle or follow me
A wasteland ranger’s life for me
where nothing in this world is free

Cadence 1b

Hail oh Hail oh infantry
Bring the battle or follow me
A wasteland ranger’s life for me
where nothing in this world is free

The mortars and artillery
The screaming verse around me
Jaggy shrapnel on the fly
Kills my buddy, makes me cry

Hail oh Hail oh infantry
Bring the battle or follow me
A wasteland ranger’s life for me
where nothing in this world is free

Cadence 2

A long, long time ago, I heard it on the radio

Sound so good to me, to be an army infantry

The bombs came down to lie, from waaaaay up in the sky

But I’m gonna fight it off, this radioactive holocaust

left right leeeeeft, keeping in steeeeep

left right leeeeeft, keeping in steeeeep

Cadence 3

I don’t know if I’ve seen it all
But Deathclaw pussy will clip your balls

Four door Corvega and a barrel of rads
Needle full of psycho and my foot on the gas
Sound off! 1, 2…Sound off! 3, 4!

1,2,3,4, 1, 2…3, 4!

Cadence 4

Got a girl with her own loft
She said a ghoul’s hard on is mighty soft

President Eden is a son of bitch
Got Ebola in the ass and sores on his dick

Sound off! 1, 2…Sound off! 3, 4!

1,2,3,4, 1, 2…3, 4!

Cadence 4b

I got a gal in Rivet City
She’s got freckles on both her titties

Bubblegum, mutfruit, apples, and cram
Dinner with your spouse and a date with your hand

Sound off! 1, 2…Sound off! 3, 4!

1,2,3,4, 1, 2…3, 4!

Cadence 5

I wanna be a wasteland ranger!
Iron, steel, blood, guts and danger!
Hoo-ah! (Beat-beat) Hoo-ah! (beat-beat) Hoo-ah! (beat-beat) Hoo-ah!

Cadence 6

Mama, mama can’t you see?
What the wasteland’s done to me!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, I gotta go

I pet a mutant just for fun
Now I hug a minigun

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
Whoa, whoa, I gotta go

Cadence 7

Don’t bother with bloatflies and molerats brother

I’ve got a date with a deathclaw’s mother

Yao guai, yao guai, that’s for suckers

They don’t know that I’m gonna fuck her

left right, left right, keeping in step

Marching through the wasteland, keeping in steeeep

left right, left right, keeping in step

Marching through the wasteland, keeping in steeeep

JOKER

Brick’s got a haircut you can set your watch to. 

(joking/dark humor, not sinister)
I got one rule. I don’t shoot women or children. I usually just stab them instead.

I was born with a screw loose, I think. Came out the womb with a note that said, “Some assembly required.”

Commie took a bullet to the starboard side of her brain – guessing that’s where the language center is. 

Anchorage gots a lot of stories. None of them true though.

Anchorage can put a bullet through a flea’s ass from a hundred yards away. But the real question is, what does he have against fleas?

ANCHORAGE

Damn this bum leg…

What’s the trouble?
I took a fall the other day. My leg’s been giving me problems ever since.
Trouble is, stimpaks don’t work for me. It always ends up trying to fix my skin instead of everything underneath.
I need something different, made for ghouls.

Maybe I could lend a hand.
Yeah. These idiots won’t leave my side. No man left behind and all that crap.
So I need someone to go down to the robot clinic and pick me up some of those the ghoul stims.
You do that, and we’ll be back patrolling the Commonwealth in no time.

How exactly did this happen?
Well, it wasn’t exactly my finest moment, I’ll tell you that.
In fact, I’ve been on the front lines for over 200 years, and haven’t gotten so much as a scratch.
In the end it wasn’t gunners, raiders, or mutants that got me. It was a slick floor and a two story drop.

We’ll talk later.
Sure, sure.

 

 

Hellos

I fought the Chinese in Alaska. Compared to that, raiders are a bunch of high heels at a boot camp.

We call the mute a Commie because she fucking looks like one. 

I need another shot of med-x. My leg is killing me.

Thanks for helping me with my leg. 

These young bucks wouldn’t know a real war if it slapped them in the ass and fucked their sister.

post-pickup

You pick up that medicine for me?

Yup. Got it right here.
Yeah, that’s the stuff. The best cure for any injury is a shot of irradiated vodka. All this other Med-Tek crap is bullshit.

Scene

I’m ready to go, Sarge. 

It’s about time soldier.

Stands up

Let’s get a move on people! The Commonwealth ain’t gonna save itself!

COMMIE

snort

scoff

spit

Scene 1

Hey Anchorage, what do you get when you cross a mutant with a ghoul?

What?

I don’t know but I bet my horny ass would still fuck it.

Scene 2

How you holding up?

I’m going through stimpaks like water. But it ain’t getting better.

Maybe it’s mental.

What, you calling me scared?

Nah, technically he called you insane.

Scene 2b

So, does the leg still hurt?

It sure as hell doesn’t tickle.

But you got your meds, right?

I got what I needed.

Scene 3

Don’t worry, you won’t die here. You didn’t survive the Great War to get killed by a wet floor.

Damn straight. I already know how I’m gonna die. Staring down a deathclaw with just one bullet in the chamber.
The bastard think he’s gonna kill me. But I ain’t giving him the satisfaction.

So that’s what that bullet’s for? The one you got marked?

Yeah. Best way to go out.

Ha, maybe for you. Me, I plan on dying in a brothel, choking to death on the biggest titties in the Commonwealth.

Scene 4

You think Commie’s got a boyfriend?

Forget it. She doesn’t like you.

Why, what does your broke-dick ass know about women?

I know you should holster that little pop gun of yours if you know what’s good for you.

Scene 5

Commie thinks we should leave you behind.

Commie’s a mute.

She said it to me in sign language. 

Please. You understand sign language?

No, but I understand a finger gun to the head.