The Creature from the Vault, vol 1.

Narrator – Lines in BLUE(FILLED)

Greg Haskins – (FILLED)

Doctor – Lines in GREEN(NEW)

Wally – Lines in RED(FILLED)

 

OEI Motion Pictures in association with L.O.B. Enterprises presents “It Came From the Vault!” 

(dramatic music, woman screams)

Science couldn’t explain it, but there it was, alive and radioactive!
Discover the fate of humanity as we embark on this harrowing tale of family, hardship, and patriotism! 

(music ends)

Our story begins in rural Virginia, with a man named Greg Haskins and his mentally handicapped son, Wally.
Together they’re enjoying a nice, balanced breakfast of Sugar Bombs and basking in the summer breeze.
But little do they know, in a continent far far away, WAR has been declared.

Dad, why didn’t Jimmy come to school today?

Well, Jimmy went with his family to live in a vault. His father thinks it’ll protect them from nuclear radiation.

Then how come we aren’t living in a vault too?

Because we live in the United States of America. We’re protected from radiation by God and Jesus.

But aren’t Jimmy and his family Americans too?

Well, not everyone who lives in America is an American citizen. Some only pretend to swear by the Constitution, but in reality they’re pinker than cotton candy on a Marxist Chinaman.

Wow dad, you’re really smart.

That’s because I’m an American patriot. And someday, you’ll be one too.

{sirens]

Hold on, what’s that in the sky?

Oh my god…Get under a desk Wally, now!

[Mushroom cloud, explosion noises]

You were right dad! The bombs fell and we didn’t die!

That’s because Jesus loves America. The greatest, best country God has ever given man on the face of the Earth!

But what about Jimmy, dad? Does Jesus love him?

Jesus doesn’t love pinkos, boy. You know that.

Then how come he’s still alive?

What do you mean, Jimmy’s still alive?

I saw him daddy! Only he was ten feet tall and looked kind of like a fish!

Oh no…damn those eggheads and their worthless vaults!

What’s wrong daddy?

The radiation! It must’ve turned Jimmy and his family into mutants!

Oh no daddy, are we safe?

For the time being, yes. Most likely only a few have managed to make it topside, the rest of their force held back by layers upon layers of socialist bureaucracy. But it’s only a matter of time before they start coming after the working man.

So what do we do?

We arm ourselves. Here, take this assault rifle.

Wow, it’s heavy. Can I really shoot communists with this?

Of course you can. You’re an American, aren’t you? Now let’s go outside and do a little exercise!

What are we gonna exercise, daddy?

Our second amendment rights.

THE END

Part 2

When we last left the Haskins family, they were hunting down the dangerous Vault creature that had infiltrated the small of town of Andale.
Armed with assault rifles made in the USA, they serve as the last line of defense against mankind’s most deadly creation!

What is it, pop? What did you find?

I think it’s our next door neighbor, Sally Smith. Or what’s left of her.

What does it mean?

It’s as I feared. Your pal Jimmy’s gotten a taste for human flesh. Damn those commies and their stupid vaults! If only they listened!

Why would Jimmy want to eat Miss Sally?

Because that’s what Stalin does, Wally. He demands his pound of flesh, and if he can’t take it through taxes, he’ll rip it out with his teeth.

Don’t worry pop. There’s still hope if men like us are bearing the stars and stripes!

I appreciate your patriotism, boy, but you’re not a man yet.

I’m not? But I’ve shot and killed a dozen coyotes already! 

Wally, how many times do I have to tell you, it doesn’t matter how many beasts you kill. You won’t be a man until you kill your first pinko. Not until you stare into his commie red eyes and show him the true meaning of freedom.

I’ll do my best, pop!

Shush! I think I hear something in the bushes!

It’s a commie, pop! I know it!

Easy boy, let’s not jump to conclusions. We might want to toss a welfare check on the ground first. See if he doesn’t poke his head out.

I’m gonna kill him pop! I’m gonna kill the pinko bastard and then I’ll be a real man!

Wait, Wally! The safety!

(Monster growl)

Noooooooooo!!!!!

 Part 3

Stricken with grief over the loss of his son Wally, Greg Haskins must now face the vault dwellers alone.
Can he save the small town of Andale, and by extension, America, from the vault menace?
Can this humble, god-fearing patriot stop the communist threat once and for all?

I shot him Doc, I shot Jimmy right in the face! But the little bastard managed to scratch me, and I’ve been feeling ill ever since.

I’ve got bad news, Greg. I’m afraid the radiation’s spreading all over your body,and I don’t know how to stop it.

Damnit Doc, don’t you get it? It’s not just my body. It’s spreading all over the world! These vault dwellers are poisoning our water supply! Someone has to stop them!

But Greg, how does violence solve anything? Why not try to reason with them?

Reason? Communists don’t listen to reason! They killed my son, and they’ll kill you too!

Why? Why would they want to harm us?

Because they’re lazy. A pinko would rather kill you for your tomatoes than learn how to grow his own.

But I’m a doctor. I don’t know the first thing about growing tomatoes.

It’s an analogy, damnit! The tomatoes are fruits! Fruits of your labor! They’re your office, your bank account, that nurse with the huge tits!

They want to take Franchesca too?

Just her tits Doc, but yes. They’ll take it all if you let them, because that’s how communism works. You get one breast, and they get the other. The same goes for your wife.

Oh no! What can I do to stop them?

You can grow a pair, Doc.  A pair of ripe, juicy tomatoes. You can slide them between your legs and stand tall for once in your life!

But I’m not you, Greg, I’m no soldier!

You’re a goddamn American is what you are! And as an American, it’s your patriotic duty to rise up against the tidal wave of government spending and tax increases and say, “No more.” This is where it ends.

Is that what you’re going to do?

Every day for the rest of my life.

And so Greg Haskins walked out of the doctor’s office and into the sunset, where the sun was a mysterious shade of Red, White, and Blue. He left knowing the true war was not with his neighbor Jimmy, but with all communists, all over the world. He left resolute in the belief that no amount of radiation would prevent him from reaching his ultimate goal – to bring freedom and liberty to all.