Shit’s pretty slow around here. Even the paint’s taking a break from drying.

Work for me
Yeah, I can dig it. Where to?

Idles

mire in mirelurk rhymes with tire
The other day some raiders tried to teach me how to swim. Problem is, they were also teaching the mirelurks to play fetch.

You can’t talk to mutants. They get the same angry look on their face whether you offer them a piece of cake or a kick in the groin.

I’ve spent my whole life in the Commonwealth. Which is saying something, given it takes about a week for you to get bored of it.

Every day you can learn something new. Useless, but new.

The food out here is an acquired taste. That’s French for it tastes like shit.

I like settlements because they got a lot of weirdos. You gotta be pretty fucked up in the head to wanna live out here.

I got a bit of a mouth. If I get pissed off, I’m gonna curse. If I see something funny, I’m gonna tell you about it. Them’s the rules.

I’m pretty much average at everything. You know how some people are a jack of all trades?
Well, I’m not a Jack. I’m like his younger sister. The one with a limp.

You ever wonder how the caravans set their prices? I mean who was it that decided a bowling pin was worth 3 caps? Was it Jim? Yeah, I bet it was Jim.

Most settlements are like a fart in the wind. Yours is like a fart in a steam room.

I don’t get whey they call them ribeye steaks. Since when do ribs have eyes?

I’m a sucker for cheap laughs. I mean look at me. I sure as hell can’t afford the expensive ones.

Me and a couple other settlers used to have our own bowling league. We’d knock over a few pins, knock back a few drinks, and that was that. Good times.

When I die, I want my coffin to be made of reinforced concrete. I’m not showing up to heaven with a feral chewing on my leg.

I used to have a partner. Real stand-up guy, until the ferals got him. Still the same guy, just with less standing.

I mostly just talk at people. I’d talk to them, but they don’t wanna listen.

I don’t know half the things going on out there, and the other half I forgot.

I talk to myself sometimes. I’m the only one who gets me.

Who’s in charge when you’re gone? Well, I guess it don’t matter, as long as it ain’t me.

I’m suspicious of everyone. An honest person might just be a good liar. That’s why bad liars are really the only people you can trust.

I got two rules. Don’t pet deathclaws, and don’t shit where you sleep. Everything else is up for debate.

I spent a night in the clink once. Got real drunk and puked down a guard’s helmet. Thing was fastened so tight he almost drowned.

I figured out the other day that “Diamond” City is actually a square. Makes a lot more sense that way.

I’m a work in regress. You think I’m a bitch now? You ain’t seen nothing yet.

Some people think I’m smarter than I am. I’d just as well let them do all the thinking.

We’re all in this together. Well, except for that one settler that doesn’t wash his hands. Fuck that guy.

I’ve never been to the face doctor. You think I’d pay for this mug?

It ain’t hard staying young. Just lie about your age.

Telling jokes is fun and all, but I bet it’s way better when people listen.

Hey.

How’s it hanging?

Yeah?

Whatcha need?