Looking for Best Skyrim Jokes!!

Hi all, I am looking for the best Skyrim jokes.  Send me your favorites in the comments or to my email renharp @ yahoo.com.  Jokes can be almost any subject matter or type:  story jokes (but not too long), one-liners, pun jokes (I love those!), race jokes, animal jokes, bandit jokes, Jarl jokes, Ulfric jokes, Bard jokes, pirate jokes, soldier jokes, etc.  They can be G, PG or bawdy, and I’ll decide which to put in my mod case-by-case.

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19 thoughts on “Looking for Best Skyrim Jokes!!

    1. Hey I -just- now got that. Reference to Olfina Graymane, right? “Can’t stand the sight of a strong Nord woman?”

  1. A necromancer and a Drauger walk into the Temple of Mara. The priest stops them and says “We don’t do those kind of marriages here.” The Drauger says “No, I want a divorce!”

  2. I’m admittedly very bad and coming up with jokes (why I asked you guys) but here goes….

    What do you get when you cross a Spriggan and a Flame Atronach?
    A bonfire. (or… a Friggan, dunno…)

  3. Obligatory “your mother” jokes because no-one’s done any yet:

    Your mother’s so fat, even Alduin couldn’t eat her.
    Your mother’s not fat, it’s just mortal mental stress.
    Your mother’s so dumb, even the Jills can’t fix her.

  4. I want to make Skjel the “Weird Al” of Skyrim, here’s his first parody of “Ragnar the Red”

    “Oh, there once was a man who was rather well-read
    Who came stumbling to Riften from old Ivarstead

    And the man he did vomit and faint in the hay
    As he rolled over bottles he drank from that day

    But then he got robbed, did the man so well-read
    By this jackass named Brynyolf who smiled as he said

    Oh, your wealth is a lie and my guild’s full of need
    So I think it’s high time that you stand up and read

    And so then came his reading and learning like leaves
    Of the tome he was handed by the guild full of thieves

    And this man here in Riften was well-read no more
    When he stole all your gold as you looked at the floor”

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