The following audio is for pronunciation of “Mauhulakh”
1. What do you want, Lich breath? That’s right, I said your breath smells like it came from a corpse, controlled by a mage in a bottle. What of it?
Um…what?
2. Did I stutter? No I didn’t, which is why I’m asking the question. To point out what a bad listener you are.
You’re right. My breath does smell like it came from a Lich.
3. I think there’s a cure for that. It’s called not eating dead things.
If my breath really smelled like a Lich, that’d make me one.
4. No it wouldn’t. You think like Mul and Gadba. I urge you, talk to them, and see if that’s a compliment.
If you saw me in battle, you wouldn’t provoke me.
5. If I saw you in battle, I reckon I’d toss and turn and clutch my pillow, because that’s what you do when you’re dreaming.
What’s your name?
6. They call me Gromash. Pretty soon I’m gonna be Chief Gromash, so you might as well get used to the title and the name.
If your sword is as sharp as your mouth, you could be chief.
7. I will be chief someday, and by someday I mean soon. Very soon.
I will get used to no such thing. You don’t have what it takes.
8. And you don’t have a choice, and by that I mean you’re weak.
Say aunt like ant
You could try and be chief of Narzulbur.
8. I could be chief of any stronghold if I wanted to, and by that I mean don’t. Not this one, anyway.
9. You see, Mauhulakh’s got a bit of an aunt problem. As in A-U-N-T. And his aunt problem is my aunt problem, although not in the same way.
What do you mean by that?
10. Well for one, I can’t touch a hair on our precious chief’s head without Bolar and Yatul decorating the walls with my entrails.
11. No, I have my sights set on another stronghold. One with plenty of boon, and by boon I mean…
Yes, yes, I know what you mean.
12. Do you, because you look a little confused, and by a little I mean you’re completely dumbfounded. Emphasis on the dumb.
(Let him finish)
13. …a dozen wives, one for each inch. I know you don’t need me to explain that part.
You could recruit new females from other Strongholds.
14. Really, genius? I never thought of that. I thought they’d just abandoned this accursed place.
15. I mean, it’s not like our mine is full of valuable ebony! Oh wait, it is!
15b. Like I said, attracting females isn’t the problem. It’s keeping them alive.
You never mentioned what the chief’s aunt problem was.
16. Didn’t think I had to. Has to be the worst kept secret in the whole Stronghold.
16b. Except it is a secret, because the miners are idiots and everyone else is in denial. Lot easier to believe in a curse than doubt the ones you trust.
17. All I’ll say is this. As far the aunts are concerned, there’s no female good enough for their nephew, and by good enough I mean dead enough.
If Bolar and Yatul were young, you could take them as wives.
18. Yeah, and if my mother was a goat then you’d be kin. But you’re the only animal here, and those two aren’t young, so there’s no use thinking about it.
19. Besides, I plan on having more than two wives, and that isn’t something those two ogrims will ever accept.
Urog is wife enough. She could bear you many strong children.
20. Yeah, Urog’s a fine female, and venison’s a fine meat. But maybe some days I want a rabbit haunch. Or some sabrecat steak.
21. Maybe I don’t want to eat venison every day until my tongue falls off from boredom. Only with females, I’m not talking about the one in my mouth.
22. Of course, that’s assuming Yatul will even let me have her. Which won’t happen unless I’m chief. And that won’t happen so long as Mauhulakh lives.
Why haven’t you challenged the chief of another Stronghold yet?
23. Well I could, but the weather isn’t good for traveling, and by that I mean I’m afraid. Oh wait. By Malacath, I wasn’t supposed to tell you that.
We all have our fears. The key is to overcome them.
24. I know that! I’m working on mine, it’s just been taking longer than I expected is all, and by that I mean an entire year longer.
Ha! I knew all this posturing was a bluff.
25. It’s not a bluff, and I’m not posturing. I’ll take on any Orc in any Stronghold, and by that I mean so long as it’s within the walls.
(Point and laugh)
26. Go ahead grub, laugh it up, get it all out of your system before I punch it out of you.
It takes a brave man to admit a fear, and a stupid one to blurt it out rambling.
27. Alright, you got me there, and by got me I mean I gave it to you.
What are you afraid of?
28. Well, I suppose you think, given my impressive stature, that I’m afraid of something like ghosts, dragons, or sword-wielding ghost dragons.
29. Nothing like that. It happened about a year ago, in some cave to the northwest.
Tell me what happened in the cave.
30. I was scouting for ore deposits, looking for a place to set up a new Stronghold. My Stronghold.
31. Had a few mercs with me, just in case. You see, this cave was filled with them pasty white Elves, and by that I mean Falmer. Naturally, I charged on ahead.
32. Some Orcs follow to death. I lead ’em to death. Don’t look at me like that. You know what I mean.
You said it. You lead them to their deaths.
34. What I lead them to is glory. If they die, then they die gloriously.
I understood what you meant.
35. Really? Because I almost saw the worms you call lips curl into a smirk.
36. Really? Because I almost saw whatever you beasts call lips curl into a smirk.
What happened after you engaged the Falmer?
37. What do you think? I wreaked havoc. Didn’t even need the mercs. I killed all them Snow Elves and the bugs they keep as pets.
38. One of them did ring my bell pretty good before I gave its face an airhole, but I kept pushing on ahead. That’s when I found it.
What did you find in the cave?
40. It was wall to wall of ore deposits, gleaming with untapped veins. Not iron or silver, but the good stuff, and by that I mean Orichalcum.
41. There was just one problem. The place was flooded. I figured we needed to build some scaffolding, but I needed to know how deep the lake was.
42. So I stripped off my armor and dived in. Wasn’t until then that I noticed the lake didn’t have a reflection.
43. As it turns out, I wasn’t diving in a lake, at least…no lake of water.
44. It was a lake of fur. Skeevers.
Disgusting.
That’s unfortunate.
45. Yeah. When the mercs pulled me out, I’d lost it, and by that I mean my courage, but it didn’t hit me until later.
46. They tell me they’re going to take me to some tavern to celebrate, near Solitude.
47. Wouldn’t even tell me the name, but I could tell by their snickers that something wasn’t right.
48. Wasn’t till we got there that I saw the sign. Wasn’t even a picture of a skeever. Just the words. But I was petrified.
I imagine so.
It gets worse. I was so frightened I didn’t even notice some drunken lout left his dinner on my boot. That made them sellswords real happy though.
Things happen.
Yeah, and bad things come in threes. And by that I mean some drunken lout decided to vomit all over me while I was staring at the sign.
What happened to the mercs after you left Solitude?
I fired the them, not that it mattered. I could hear their laughter all the way back to Narzulbur.
That was over a year ago. Haven’t left the Stronghold since.
Malacath would never accept cowards among his children, let alone his chiefs.
53. You…you don’t think he knows, do you? No…of course he doesn’t. And by that I mean we’ve never met.
Skeevers stay underground. Just avoid caves and basements and you’ll be fine.
55. That’s what the sellswords told me before they took me to a tavern filled with the furry demons.
56. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. And by that I mean I think you’re lying.
You should tackle your fear head on. If I brought you a skeever tail…
57. No! Get it away from me!
The man who vomited on you. I think I’ve met him.
58. Well tell him he owes me a new pair of boots.
What do you think of the other Stronghold members?
59. Our chief is a lonely weakling, constantly reminiscing about his dead wives.
60. His son, Dushnamub, works the forge all day, and eats all night, yet somehow manages to excel at malnourishment.
61. His daughter, Urog, is blind, and by that I mean blind to the truth.
What about outside the chief’s family?
62. Well, the miners, Mul and Gadbha, are from Largashbur. I hear their chief is even more pathetic than ours, but at least he has wives.
63. And then there’s Bolar and Yatul. You don’t even want to know the sorts of things they’re up to, and by that I mean you’ll find out soon enough.
64. But don’t mistake my complaining for a lack of loyalty. The tribe comes first, and until I’m chief of my own Stronghold, this sorry lot is my kin.
How are things in Narzulbur?
65. Chief Mauhulakh is moping again. Sometimes, I get depressed just thinking about him.
66. The chief thinks he’s cursed. Like really cursed. As in ten females die every time someone says his name. Mauhulakh.
67. I bet I could make a wife out of Bolar. Yatul too, but more like a widow.
68. Dushnamub’s the spitting image of his father, and by that I mean I could spit in a bowl and it’d have about the same amount of muscle as both of ’em.
69. Mul and Gadbha. Dumb and dumbest. Sometimes I forget which one’s which though. Then Mul opens his mouth.
70. Dull. When I run my own Stronghold, I’m gonna put up banners like them Jarls do.
71. My sigil will be something strong, like a warhammer, surrounded by lightning bolts. Yeah.
Hello Goodbye
Need something?
Yeah?
Make it quick.
Come on horker meat, I haven’t got all day.
What do you want? Can’t you see I’m busy being amazing.
All right then.
About time.
Away with you.
Get lost.